Our Yesterday's Escape (University Series #6)

EPILOGUE

Kierra,

My love, I made this letter and placed it below the ring so you can easily see it. I hope for the day that you won't have to see this, but if ever you do, I hope you are not reading this with a heavy heart.

Easy to say, right? Because I am not the one feeling it. 

Kierra, I know it hurts, and it will continue to hurt... but I know the pain will not stay forever. You can be mad at me, curse me, and hate me for leaving you too soon... but we would be lying if we say that we never expected this to happen. I know you did, and I did too. I know you want to stop me but you couldn't because you also know that there is nothing you could do to stop this... because this is reality. 

I cannot escape it, Kierra. There will be times when I will think to myself if it is worth my life... but thinking of the victims, hearing them, seeing them, and fighting for them in court makes me want to continue. I cannot give up just because I fear for my life... because there are others whose lives are also at stake. There are others who cannot fight because they are not being listened to. 

I know... that it should not be like that, and that is why I'm fighting. That is why we are fighting... for a change. Pwedeng sumuko kapag natatakot, pero sino naman ang lalaban para sa kanila? Naiintindihan mo naman ako, hindi ba? I want to be that person. I want to be one of them. There needs to be a change, and the dirty system should not be normalized. I am not doing this just for me, or for you, but for everyone. I am serving the public. This is my duty, my responsibility. 

I am a lawyer... and I am passionate about my job. I've been fighting monsters ever since I was a child. It's no different from what I am doing now. This is who I am destined to be. 

I am happy, Kierra. I am happy to be with you. I am happy to be with my friends, with my family. I make sure to do the things I want to do before leaving. There is nothing left to do but finish the fight. I know how much it hurts... I am hurt too. I am hurt while writing this letter because I know, deep inside, that I still want to spend more time with all of you... but I have to fulfill a responsibility. 

I kept on telling you before that I was not scared of death... but on the inside, I hoped that I wouldn't have to face it. There are probably a lot of things that I could have done differently to prevent this from happening, but in the end, I still couldn't. I couldn't do everything perfectly. Prevention? If I lived... I am thinking that I will still live a cruel life because I will continue to put my life on the line. I do not know when to give up. It is the system we are trying to change, to fight against... and it will remain a long cruel fight. 

Hindi pa tayo panalo... but we moved forward. We started somewhere... but there should be no more lives to spare. That is the country we want to live in... where people do not fear for their safety, where people are not made fun of or threatened for voicing their opinions and for fighting for their rights. Where people like me do not have to end up in a tragedy. 

Maybe it is also my fault... for wanting to do everything by myself. I always believed that I never needed help, because I could not trust anyone. Not the others in the field, not the authorities, and definitely not the officials. I also cannot drag anyone with me to the grave. It may be wrong for you. It may not make sense... but this is the person I want to be. I am sorry that it ended up like this... and that we are living in this kind of world. Maybe you will think that I do not deserve this. Of course... no one deserves to die fighting... but it is happening. It is real... and you are only exempted if you have the power to control your circumstances. I do not deserve this... but there are people who need me. They deserve someone who is willing to go to the front line.