The show must go on

Chapter 11 - realization

Narrator POV

As Jade begins to gasp for air and Jesy tries to calm her down, everyone leaves the room to give her some space and privacy. All except Jesy, Leigh-Anne and Perrie. Jesy immediately kneels in front of Jade to help her through her supposed panic attack, while Leigh stands by the couch and watches carefully, always ready to be there should she be needed, but also far enough away not to overwhelm Jade in such a situation. It is not the first panic attack they have experienced within the band. In most cases Jesy or Perrie are affected, Jade and Leigh rather rarely. But they all know how to deal with it, how who has to act to help. Normally Perrie would sit on the couch, reassure her, touch her, knowing full well that Jade is the most likely to respond to her. But this time Perrie is frozen.

She stands rooted to the spot at the other end of the room, quietly watching with fear-filled eyes. She has thought of nothing else for the last few days but the article she saw on Jade's phone. Everything seems so logical that she knows full well that her worst fear must be true. For not one second did she believe Jade's apparent white lie. And yet she didn't know how to act, how to approach Jade about it or what to even think. This situation overwhelmed her so much that she was unable to sleep or eat. The mere thought of her Jade having a terminal illness is so indescribably awful that she had to fight tears every second. She was almost afraid to try to talk to her. But standing here now, watching Jade being barely able to breathe, proves her that she acted wrongly. That she was a coward and hid from the truth. That the reality is even worse than her worst thoughts.

"This isn't a panic attack," Jade tries to make clear and Perrie immediately knows she's right. That no breathing exercises or attempts at distraction would help this time. But what should she do? What can she do? As if in a trance, she stands there and can do nothing, she is still frozen.

Jesy tries her best to calm Jade down, not knowing that none of these methods can help in this situation.

"Perrie," Jade suddenly whispers, so helpless, broken and longing that it snaps Perrie out of her rigidity and she finally seems to be able to get her feet moving. She rushes to Jade, immediately kneels in front of her and grabs her hands, whereupon Jesy quickly makes room and sits nervously by, wondering why her usually so helpful methods were unsuccessful this time. One look into Jade's fear-filled eyes tells Perrie all she needs to know. It confirms her greatest fear.

"I'm here," she says quickly and sincerely, and in that moment she means it. She is here. Now and forever, with everything that will come their way. The two of them stare deep into each other's tear-filled eyes, knowing what is going on, what must be done, what is inevitable.

"Call an ambulance," Perrie says with a heavy heart, knowing full well that this is Jade's greatest horror, that she never wanted this. But now there is no other way. She is sick.

Leigh and Jesy exchange a shocked, worried look, but Leigh acts quick and pulls out her phone.

Suddenly, Jade gasps loudly, as if all air were cut off, and instinctively Perrie squeezes her hands even tighter.

"Pez," Jade only manages to moan as she suddenly spits out blood. All four of them stare stunned at the red bloodstain now pooling on her lap. While Leigh sobs loudly and Jesy clutches her tightly, completely overwhelmed by the situation, Perrie is suddenly wide awake.