The show must go on

Chapter 21 - the new normal

Jade POV

As wonderful and dreamlike as the weekend is, unfortunately it's over again very quickly and the painful reality hits me harder than I could have ever imagined.

We had three shows here in New York and they were all unique and amazing. The audience was insane. Every song was sung along, every choreo was danced along. Every time Perrie and I got just a little bit closer, everyone went crazy. The cants of Jerrie and demands of kisses never went down. And we gave it them everything. We played around like we used to, only this time we went further, we took the step we used to stop had, the step we used to hide. At secret love song we held each other's hand and Perrie finished her last notes by pressing her lips to mine and the whole arena lost it. Of course Leigh-Anne and Jesy joined in, cheering us on, cheering the audience on. It was the best three shows we've ever done. Everything just fell into place, it was truly magical.

But today all that is forgotten. Actually, this day off was planned as a day for sightseeing and exploring. Tonight we were spontaneously invited to Jimmy Fallon and tomorrow we're already going to the next city with the tour bus. So basically we just have this one day off and normally I would be out on the streets of New York in the early hours of the morning to make the most of the situation and see as much as possible. Normally, I'm sure Leigh-Anne would accompany me, while Perrie would sleep in and join us later, and meanwhile Jesy would just spend the whole day in bed. But normal no longer exists.

Leigh-Anne managed to persuade Jesy to spend the day with her outside the hotel, as Perrie and I pretended we would like to spend a day together in a hotel room. This made for plenty of jokes and banter, but they definitely didn't want to witness it either and quickly took off. They had no idea that although I would love to spend such a day with Perrie, it was just an excuse. Instead, today is the day I have been dreading ever since that one phone call. Today my battle with cancer truly begins. Today the chemotherapy begins. Away from home, in a hotel room in New York, on our day off, during the tour. It's not ideal, not in the slightest, and I know that myself. But I have made this decision, I have chosen this treatment method, so now I have to go through with it.

Perrie has set numerous alarms for both of us to remind me to take my pills, as I have to take them with absolute discipline. I had to laugh at first, knowing full well that she has never been woken up by any alarm in her entire life, but today she proved me wrong. Before me, she was wide awake by the first ring and prepared everything for the first load of pills. We both read through the doctor's instructions very carefully before she pressed one pill for the chemotherapy and two for the secondary treatment into my hand. But suddenly I froze. I looked at the pills in my hand and then into the eyes of the woman I love. And she knew immediately what I was thinking.

"It's okay to be scared," she told me and I closed my eyes sadly, trying to suppress the shaking and took a deep breath.

"I'm here," she whispered as she moved behind me and pressed herself against me from behind to give me support.

And with her support, with the strength she gave me just by her mere presence, I dared to swallow them. An indescribably awful feeling. So many thoughts were running trough my head, an up and down of emotions. I couldn't help thinking that this could be the beginning of the end.

As soon as I swallowed it, I felt Perrie's grip on me harden, bringing tears to my eyes. At least I have her, what would I do without her in this situation?