The show must go on

Chapter 24 - just breathe

Perrie POV

We were physically separated for one day and two nights. It's safe to say that was the worst time of my life. Even though I'm pretty sure we're still together, or rather that I definitely don't accept the separation like that, I was still left in the dark. I text her at least three times per hour. When my alarm clock went off for her pills, I sent her a text to let her know. But she ignored that , same goes for the following calls and all of the attempts by Leigh and Jesy of contacting her. There has been radio silence from her side. I was partly debating whether I should just go there or send an ambulance straight away. For all I know, she could be lying dead in her flat and no one would know.

Until she uploads a story on instagram in the evening. And even though no fibre of my body would have wished her not to respond because she is physically unable to, it hurts to see the story. She has the strength and time to be on instagram but not to reply to me. I watch the story far too often and for far too long each time, trying to absorb everything, to take in some detail that signals to me how she is doing. But it's just an old picture from Disneyland that I can't read anything into it.

First I was worried sick, then I was just angry. And so I tried to ignore it too, even though my thoughts were about nothing else.

When we arrive at the festival venue, I eagerly await her appearance. Even though I am angry with her, I still long for her. I want to know how she is, to be with her, to hold her and take her in my arms.

I am waiting tensely for her in our dressing room when she comes through the door and suddenly I freeze. I had rehearsed what I would say to her. I went from an apology, to a rant, to an I hate you, to an I love you, back to an apology. I wanted to say so much, but now I swallow my words and just stare at her in bewilderment. She doesn't come into the room, she wavers. But I'm the only one who notices, who watches her closely enough.

"Hi, Jadey," Leigh-Anne greets her with a hug as I remain rooted to the spot.

"How's your head, babe?", Jesy asks.

"I'm fine," Jade replies curtly, then puts her backpack down and sits in the make-up chair provided for her, taking a deep breath.

Jesy just gives me a look and I can only shrug. Right now, even I don't know how to deal with her.

From the side I watch her closely as she takes off her sunglasses. The cut on her forehead still has the stitches in it. It's not quite as swollen around it anymore, but it's so blue and purple that it spreads to most of her face. 

"Hmm, I'm not sure if we're going to put make-up all over it or leave it like that. I don't think I'd be able to cover it all up anyway," Adam ponders as he takes a closer look at her face.

"Leave it like that, I want people to see how badass Jade is to perform with that on her face," Sam says, standing by and giving her a closer look herself. She flew back early for the festival and missed last night's concert and its aftermath, which probably makes her ask, "How did that happen again exactly?"

"I slipped on the stairs on stage and fell with my head right on the railing. No big deal," Jade explains tersely, looking rather absent-minded.