Weeks of attending Dr's appointments, physio sessions and multiple scans for the list of injuries I'd attained went by in a flash. Thankfully the shrapnel cuts, along with the bullet wounds, were all healing extremely well and would be considered fully healed in another month or so. My leg had finally been released from its cage and replaced with a simply brace that fitted under the majority of my trousers however I would need to continue with weekly physio sessions for the foreseeable future.
My hearing on the other hand was another story. After many, many tests it was confirmed, I was completely deaf in both ears with no chance of my hearing ever returning. The good news however was that I'd be eligible for implants.
Knowing this I began designing my own. I spent a number of hours in discussions with both Dr Shepherd and my otolaryngologist regarding the surgery and providing the required data from the health board to legalise that I would be a test subject for said implants. It took a while given the risk to his reputation, but Shepherd finally got on board.
With most of my injuries now healed, I had nothing to focus on but the sole event in my calendar. As the days wore on my meeting with my CO loomed closer.
Despite my awareness of the fact that I'd not be able to return to my role, I didn't know with complete certainty the extent of the damage this would do to my career.
☞ ☞ ☞
Choosing today as the first time back on my motorbike probably wasn't the best idea. The ride over had been somewhat more stressful than id anticipated. It's not until you lose a sense that you truly realise how much of an impact it has on life. Don't get me wrong, I know that it'll get better and I will adjust to the new normal but, it was still very strange and if I'm being completely honest, terrifying at times. My concentration on my surroundings was at an all time high as I made my way, extra carefully to the Navy base.
Pulling onto base felt both familiar yet strange. This was the first time being here when I didn't really know what to expect. Flipping the kickstand of my bike down, I simply sat for a few moments longer, staring at the building I knew held my fate.
Dismounting, I took a moment to compose myself and straighten out my uniform and patrol cap before taking a deep breath and finally moving myself in the direction of my meeting.
I'd been rigorously learning sign language since I'd been released from the hospital and while I wasn't perfect, I was on my way to being fluent. Thanks to this my CO was able to request an interpreter to assist him. I met them both in his office with my after action report tucked neatly under my arm, ready to begin.
☞ ☞ ☞
In less than two hours, it was over.
I don't remember leaving the base nor getting home for that matter, it all seemed to be a blur. My mind only really tuned back in when I finally rolled the bike to a stop on the threshold of home. Unlike earlier, I didn't hesitate to get off and make my way into the living room.
Pepper was currently at the office and while Anthony had taken and been with me for almost all of my appointments, he said he had to visit Rhodes at the Air Force Base today so couldn't be with me for what turned out to be the one I needed him at most. So I was home alone.
Looking around the room, the silence and stillness of everything surrounding me finally made me snap. Within minutes, I completely destroyed everything in my path.
With almost every piece of furniture broken and strewn around the place I began gulping for air. I watched the waterfall next to the stairs run over the sofa now blocking its path as I made a bee line for Anthonys home bar. Stealing one of his best bottles of whiskeys, I slumped onto the floor in the middle of the now obliterated room, staring out the windows over the water.
That was exactly how Anthony found me later that afternoon.
Cautiously approaching he placed one of the still intact tablets on the ground in front of me to signal he was going to talk before lowering himself down beside me, completely ignoring the mess that surrounded us.
"So my visit with Rhodes was pretty much him telling me I'm an idiot to stop making weapons and to get myself together. How'd the meeting go?" - Anthony.
I scoffed slightly, reading the words that flashed across the screen.
"That's because he's a self-righteous prick." I took another swig from the almost empty bottle before Anthony gently took it from my hand. "My careers over Eddie. Honourable discharge."
Knowing I didn't need to be told everything was going to be okay he simply shuffled closer, pulling me into his side so I could rest my head onto his shoulder. We stayed like that looking out to the water for I don't know how long, until Anthonys head spun to the door while the tablet flashed:
"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED HERE!?" - Pepper.
☞ ☞ ☞
I didn't get out of bed for the following week after my little break down. I just couldn't bring myself to move, it was as if someone was pushing me down every-time I tried.
Anthony brought me food, which I didn't touch and would subsequently have to take it away again. He would sometimes come and just simply sit with me for periods of time. I didn't have the energy to tell him so, but I actually found it comforting when he did this.
It wasn't until I received a message from Shepherd, confirming the date for my surgery that I began to feel the dark cloud above me passing. I gradually started to leave my room, even if it was simply to get dinner from the kitchen. I'd also begun to eat more frequently.
Since we'd got back me and Anthony had become attached at the hip. After everything that we'd been through, it helped having one another there. It didn't happen as often but Anthony would still sneak into bed with me here and there to hold my hand when the nightmares got too much for him.
Much to my surprise, Anthony, Pepper and Happy had all started learning sign language together. I'm not sure what had changed Peppers view but she really seemed to be trying to make more of an effort to get to know me. I wasn't ready to drop my guard with her of course but we were making progress.
☞ ☞ ☞
Two weeks later
The surgery for my cochlear implants was considered routine however as these were of my own design and not yet available on the market there was an element of experimenting at play. I'd designed them to be on both sides of the head, behind the ears for better sound quality. Each site would be able to attach an extremely discrete aid the size of a dime, these would be rechargeable rather than battery run.
I was discharged the same day to recover at home given I was a medical professional and knew what I needed in terms of post op care.
While amazing, it was overwhelming to have my hearing back and not being surrounded by silence. Being so overstimulated by the noises of the world, I kept to the house and didn't go anywhere.
