I woke the following morning with a feeling a of dread sitting deep in the pit of my stomach. Today was officially my last day as a NAVY Seal. Slowly willing myself from the warm comfort of my bed, I got myself up, showered and dressed for the day.
Knowing this would be the last time I'd put this uniform on, well at least professionally, brought yet another wave of sadness.
Since I'd be emptying out my cage on base, I'd asked Anthony in advance if I could borrow one of his cars to which he graciously gave permission. Given that I'd be on home soil from now on I figured I'd better add 'buy a car' to my ever growing to do list.
As I pottered around the kitchen getting a water and a hot chocolate ready in their relative to go cups I watched as Anthony sleepily trudged his way down to the lab, completely in his own world. Looking at the time on the kitchen clock, I hadn't expected to see him but his sleep patterns can sometimes be more fucked than mine, which is saying something.
Grabbing the keys on my way out the door, I set off for base.
☞ ☞ ☞
An Honourable Discharge.
We all knew that's what was happing but there was something about being presented with my papers that made everything feel so real. I guess some small part of me hoped it wasn't true. It didn't take long to clear my cage of my possessions, staring at the now filled box I knew I wouldn't be unpacking that for a long time. I'm not sure if it was better that the boys were currently deployed or not, it would have made this whole thing both easier and harder.
Dropping the box in the trunk, along with the paperworks and boxes from my meeting, I took a minute to take in the base one last time before driving off.
The trip home was done purely on autopilot, too consumed with my thoughts to be completely present. While I knew what needed to be done today, what I didn't know was that my CO would have a bunch of medals on his desk to present me with - something I'd continually pushed away and refused.
I had been awarded a fair few medals over my years of service, most of which were general achievements however the more prestigious ones had been awarded to me from missions I still couldn't bring myself to consciously think about so I never mentioned them. My CO had informed me that he had put me forward for another but had not yet heard back regarding it. I didn't care and he knew, I'd never felt I deserved them anyway - I was just doing my job, even Anthony didn't know of them.
Along with a bunch of others and multiple ribbons, the following medals now sat atop my breast.
🎖 Purple Heart
🏅 Prisoner of War
🎖 Afghanistan Campaign Medal
🏅 Humanitarian Service Medal
🎖 Navy Cross
🏅 Navy Distinguished Service Medal
My time as a Navy Captain was officially over and although money was something I was in a very privileged position not to worry about, I couldn't help but panic on what civilian life had in store.
I'd put my intern application into every hospital in the country a month or so ago on a bit of a whim, so I would hopefully hear back soon but I didn't really have much of a plan if I didn't get in. I of course had Stark Medical but I loved being a doctor and despite having to start from scratch as an intern given that my medical career oversees was different to that in the states - it was all that I wanted right now.
☞ ☞ ☞
When I got home, I shed myself of everything bar my trousers and t-shirt. Dumping my box of possessions on the side of Anthony's home bar, I grabbed a large glass of whiskey, neat, before trudging out to one of the loungers on the balcony. I sat alone simply letting the sound of the waves sooth me as I tried to process the new direction my life could be taking.
