was it ever real?

16. look at me

"jenae," someone calls out to me from my sleep but i ignore them.

"jenae!?" they shout again, sounding a lot more serious this time. their tone provokes me to open my eyes and aggravated, i quickly glance around my room to find vinnie standing in my doorway.

my room's lights are off, but the moonlight reflecting from my window presents him. "i'll walk nano in a bit, just give me some time." i groan, turning my back to him and hoping he goes away. i lift my comforter over my head to resume sleeping, but i can still sense him in the room.

"what is it?" i suck my teeth, even more annoyed because he's still here. he knows we have to pack later today and drive for almost 2 hours. so why's he bothering me so early?

to show my aggravation, i turn my head to face him. my upper lip curls and i narrow my eyes at him.

but in that same moment, my face softens.

he flicks the light switch and i suddenly realize. to his left, amorah stands with dried tears, and fidgeting with her hoodie sleeve. realizing why he woke me, i calm my nerves.

"night," vinnie gives a half-smile without saying anything else and then taps my door frame before walking away and leaving us to talk in private.

"what's wrong?!" i sit up on my bed, scratching my eyes to take a better look at her. her eyes are bloodshot red and her full lips are barely trembling. with a couple of sniffles here and there, she asks for permission to rest her head on my lap, "can i?" her generally sassy voice seems so shy and brittle like she's been sobbing for hours.

"of course," i nod and observe as she crawls onto my bed, still trembling . she lays her head on my lap and finally explains, "we..." her eyes well up with tears.

"me and len, we broke up."

what...?!

in my lap, i glance at her. her eyes are closed shut, but her breath hicks as she begins to sobs. she's curled in my lap, limp and seeming exhausted.

however, now i'm aware that her cries are turning into full sobs. to comfort her in any way i can, i began to stroke the shoulder of her mocha pigmented skin and the bonnet that protect her crown.

"what happened? why?"

"h-he has to move back to new york because he got this amazing career offer, and it's closer to his mom. especially since she just had a heart attack like a month ago." she begins to mumble so brittle i cant hear her, "but i couldn't go with him because..."

"huh?" i ask so she can repeat herself.

"-because i just got comfortable money wise and i have to take care of my mom too. y'know she's a type 1 diabetic and i can only be gone for so long." she continues, in a whiny voice. "she and my brother are the only blood family i have."

"after that night we were at the lounge and i said it must be nice to the couple that just got engaged, we had a huge argument afterwards because he said he didn't wanna be rushed. from that night on, he was just so...different." tears resume to run down her face again.

"you guys couldn't try to work it out a bit more?" i ask.

"i was just at his place, trying to make things better...but he didn't even kiss me. he just hugged me jenae. he told me he realizes that he doesn't think long distance will work and couldn't even look at me." she sobs.

"he wouldn't let me see if that sparkle in his eyes was gone."

i know it's selfish to think

but what is that's how vinnie felt...?

amorah sits up and wipes the tears from my cheeks, clearing her voice. " i feel like he didn't even wanna try, y'know? or like it was so easy for him to let go?" she mutters.

"i told myself i wouldn't even bother going after him and now i'm the one sobbing."

i sigh.

i'm still shocked that they broke up. they've been together for a while and i thought they were end game. i expected them to actually get married. but to hear that he said it wouldn't work and gave up...kinda sounds familiar.

"well, you won't be sobbing forever. of course, you can cry whenever, but don't be miserable forever. i'm leaving tomorrow night, but when i get back we'll hang out all the time, especially with milo, okay?"

"actually..." she flutters her wet eyelashes. "i know it's probably too late but what if i go with you guys? i don't mind bringing your dad a gift! we can go shopping and do face masks and talk and i can even help you with your clothing pieces!!"

i can hear the excitement in her voice.

"of course it isn't too late?! and you can help me decide on a gift. we can share a room since i got a 2-bedroom."

she smiles and instantly hugs me in relief.

i feel better as long as she feel better.

although it's unfortunate, at least i was able to be here for like she was for me last time. when amorah and I left for new york two years ago, she was the shoulder i cried on, at the airport.

silently sobbing as i tried to forget about him.

just then, there's a knock on the doorframe, that makes me remember we never closed the door in the first place. vinnie peeks his head in, "everything okay?" while a slight smile is drawn on his face.

amorah quickly wipes away the dried tears and clears her voice. "of course." she smiles her brightest smile. she never lets anyone see her cry, she's the mom of the group. but to see her like this, it's heartbreaking.

in response, vinnie chuckles "that's good...and not like i was eavesdropping or anything..." he drags out the or, "but does that mean aaron can come too?"

i glance at amorah for confirmation...knowing their history too. "i don't mind," she says, shrugging her shoulders. vinnie's smile grew wider.

"i don't mind either. the more the merrier but tell him he's pitching in on the airbnb."

vinnie nods, while he's leaning his back on the doorframe. we're all chuckling, but i know nano's probably annoyed. he's trying to peacefully sleep on his dog bed and we're being loud.

amorah stops chuckling and twists her face as if she forgot something. "we never did finish talking that day, but why is vinnie coming along?" she asks.

vinnie and i glance at each other and then at her.

oh boy..