was it ever real?

19. do you hear yourself? (chapter finale)

my head tilts and my eyes narrow at vinnie.

"what are you talking about?"

"i didn't wanna hear every detail, that's why i turned the music up." he goes poker-faced on me, giving me long blinks and shifty eye contact.

"vinnie do you hear yourself?" i chuckle, but i'm actually reluctant.

"my question is why jenae?" his head slants and shoulder shrugs. "we agreed not to mess around with other people to make this whole thing even more believable and you're all on him. you've probably been with him the whole time?" he sarcastically snickers.

wait...is he talking about chris?

how would he know unless-

"oh, i see. you were too busy being so overprotective and possessive to actually understand what was going on." i sigh and start to walk away from him, leaving him leaning on the doorframe with his arms crossed over his chest.

"that you were using me?" he argues. "you tell me to leave that night behind, but here you go bringing your favorite subject up. well since we're on the topic let's just start jenae?"

i ignore him and resume stepping to the couch so i can finally put my headphones on again and wait for amorah and aaron to arrive.

"wow, so you're gonna run again instead of talking about it?" he says.

standing beside the couch, i hesitate, "vinnie are we really about to do this right now?" partially turning to face him.

"i guess so." he says while he's leaning on the doorframe with his arms crossed, his legs cross too.

now, i entirely turn my body to confront vinnie.

to look him in the face.

"well since i always use you being overbearing as my favorite saying, it's because it's true."

"how?"

"because just now, chris only came because he thought i had something of his. in which, i was the one that turned him away. i was the one that let him go. i was the one that didn't want him." i roll my eyes. "i wasn't using you or with him this whole time. it just doesn't make sense vinnie?"

"at first i went to the door to check if you were okay, but i saw you both kiss?" he unravels his arms and stuffs his hands in his pockets.

"he kissed me?!" my brows knit. "and after he did, i pulled away and explained i was already with someone special."

his face softens and he's silent.

"but you wanted to bring up my favorite topic, right?" i hold my palms near my chest and square my shoulders. "i didn't say anything when i saw the realtor's Vivienne Westwood earrings here that one night."

"we were just discussing the broker's fee, i can assure you nothing else went on." he scuff under his breath, "plus the deal wasn't even set then."

"what about the day your friend came over? i bet you only hugged me to show them something. i bet you even bragged about that fake proposal to them too!"

"oh really?" he removes himself from the doorframe and looms closer, slowly shifting one foot to the other and not breaking eye contact.

"yup, you kissed me on my neck just to show off that we were speaking or something."

"maybe i did. but i did it not for the exact reason u think jen."

he continues to inch forward.

"i did it because of the weird things rio was saying about you."

my breath stops.

"i'm not even friends with the guy, he's aaron's friend."

"what was he saying.."

"it's not even important anymore-"

"i'm sure i could handle his comments? you're excuse is lame and it's because you proved my point about you still being so possessive."

"don't act like such the victim here jenae. what you don't understand is that i hugged you in case he was looking, and only to look out for you." he runs his hands through his hair. "i'm not like i used to be, i can guarantee you. you make it seems like i was always jealous and guarding you, but the truth is i just wanted you to myself."

"only to lose you in the end." he mummbles while rubbing his face with his hand and loudly sighing.

my eyebrows soften.

i'm mute.

"you're the one that cut me off. you're the one who seemed like you never wanted me. you're the one who left me!" his breath quickened.

"even if you were all the way in new york, you could've at least reached out to me once in a while. but you left me alone jenae. you know i didn't love anyone but you." he looks me in both eyes. "i was the one that never got closure and even after all this time, i still look out for you." he sighs, relaxing his face.

for a moment i think.

think about what he has said.

"and you didn't let me go?" i step closer. "after we had sex...and i mentioned the internship, asking what to do, you didn't even hesitate to tell me to go. it was like you got what you finally wanted."

"you sent me off when i was most vulnerable and trusted you, vinnie. i just wanted you to tell me to stay because we could've worked it out, but you said i should take the offer and you didn't even take a second thought on it. so i understand how you felt, especially when i ghosted you but you don't understand what it did to me too."

i gaze downward and let out a harsh breath before walking away again and finally sitting on the couch. i put my headphones back on, but trough them i could hear his door slam.

how in the hell are we supposed to do this now?

my phone rings and i glance at it.

it's my dad.

i'll just talk to him when we see him..

a few minutes pass and the house is mostly quiet. the rain outside, hits the windows and lightning escapes the clouds. with or without vinnie's loud ass music, i can't focus on the magazine. instead, my stomach is heavy and i keep thinking about the previous conversation.

i'm trapped in my thoughts, continuously replaying the argument in my head until nano randomly begins barking at the door after a couple of knocks. i expect vinnie to finally come out of his room and answer the door himself, but he doesn't.

which means i have to get it.

i drag my feet to the door and open it. it's amorah and aaron, both arriving at the same time. "why's it so quiet?" amorah let's herself in, moving past me to greet nano.

"i dunno."

"it's almost dark out, where's vinnie? shouldn't we be hitting the road soon?" aaron questions as well, lightly smilinh as he walks in too. except he walks down the hall and into vinnie's room.

"why's it so tense in here?" amorah whispers to me.
but little did she know what just went down...

"was it ever real" will return soon!