was it ever real?

05. i dunno dad

the nostalgic tone of more than a woman hummed through my lips while i brush my teeth. i looked in the bathroom mirror shaking and bopping my head while i hummed the lyrics. nano sat in front of the door with his head resting on his paws, watching me.

spitting the toothpaste into the sink, i glance at him, "i just have to finish my sketch then we're free." i pat my washcloth on my face to get any excess water from my mouth. while looking in the mirror, i caught sight of the tinted hickey from last night. i touched on it shortly before getting interrupted by hearing a knock at the front door.

nano quickly jumped up and ran to the door barking. after jogging to the front door to answer it, i calmed him for being too loud. when he stepped back, i unlocked the door and found myself looking at dad who was standing in front of me with a smile on his face.

his dirt brown eyes crinkled at the corners of his dark skin. "well hello, coco!" he greeted me and walked forward, into my apartment to greet nano as well. he hurried toward dad, jumping up and sniffing all over his clothes.

"hi, daddy!!" i opened my arms for a tight bear hug.

i completely forgot that we were supposed to go out for breakfast today. it's been a while since i've seen him because i'm normally busy with designs and fashion shows for my brand, but now i've dedicated more of my time to my family. plus he's 1.5 hours away.

"i guess you," his eyes scanned around the apartment "...need more time." snickering. that's when i acknowledged that i still had my bonnet and pajamas on. "right, i kinda forgot..." i laugh, turning the teapot on for him.

he laughed, before seating himself at the kitchen island and knitting his fingers together. nano playfully galloped to dad with his favorite toy--who was missing an eye and had fluff sticking out--in his mouth.

"so...you know it's almost my birthday," he begins to say, "and since you were too busy last year i was hoping you could make it this year."

it's true, last year i was too busy helping my boss with fashion shows and doing her labor work she was too lazy to do herself. i missed christmas, new year, and even my dad's birthday. honestly, i didn't even celebrate my birthday.

but now that i'm independent, have my own brand, and work for myself, i'm not so restricted.

i turn the stove eye on high and pour some water in my teapot so it can boil. "of course, i can. what're you gonna do?"

"i was thinkin' of a barbecue with the whole family at my house. i was also thinkin' maybe you could stay for about 4-5 days. your sister and niece are coming as well and i thought it would be perfect. the family misses you."

i gasped, "stay for 4-5 days? i'm not too sure about that. i still have a few things i want to take care of. like coming up with more design ideas, sewing up this new dress for my collection, unpacking a few other things, and taking care of nano. y'know?"

he exhaled in annoyance "can't you hire people to help make designs for you?"

"i could but i want to be completely original." my arms crossed and i began to nibble on my bottom lip out of impatience.

he took his hat off and brushed the top of his head with his hand. "you can unpack your things later when you get back. just bring nano and your supplies with you."

"boom! i just helped you big time!" he nodded his head as if he was any help to me.

still, it's not like he was wrong...

"okay-okay, i'll figure it out." i sucked my teeth. "good!!" he sprung from the island seat and came around the kitchen hole to hug me once again out of happiness.

"i'll continue getting ready, feel free to look around or maybe look at my fish tank that's proudly finished cycling." i made a swatting motion while i walked down the hallway and into my room.

"jenae..." he made that parental tone where you knew you were in trouble.

"hmn?"

"whose glasses and dried-out blunts? i know they can't be yours." he pointed to the coffee table.

damnit...

those aren't mine, but they're vinnie's.

and my dad doesn't even know i have a roommate, let alone a roommate of the opposite sex.

even better. if he thinks those blunts are mine, he'll just continue to scold me about why they're bad for me even if they aren't mine. he still imagines me as his perfect daughter who doesn't drink or smoke...but he's wrong.

"what'd you mean?" i tried to normalize my worried voice and regulate my widened eyes. i could feel my heart thumping deeply in my chest.

"you don't smoke and you wear contacts..."

i paused in the middle of the hallway trying to crack a fearless grin. "and who's watch?" dad picked chris's watch up from the counter that it's stayed on top of since last night. his eyes then directed to me, knowing i was about to lie.

"it's mine of course..." i awkwardly shrug my shoulders and hope he would drop the chatter.

"look coconut, i know you work a luxury job but a place like this couldn't have been cheap. it's california and i already told you i could help with bills."

i try to intervene, "-and i don't want you-" but he interrupts me "-so you must have a roommate?"

since i didn't answer right away, his suspicion grew.

"coconut, y'know how crazy and creepy they can be. it's hard to get rid of them and they're messy - it's just a mess coco." he dramatically rambles on and on about the safety of roommates.

"i know dad, and you shouldn't worry about me-" i try to interrupt his paranoia, scratching my neck at the awkward moment.

but he somehow interrupts me again.

"wait a damn minute-" he inspected my neck "you've also got a hickey-"

the stupidity caught up to me and my stomach dropped. i forgot to cover up the hickey from last night. plus i got interrupted while looking at it.

"what are they, a guy? oh my god."

the teapot wheezed as if it was right on cue.

"i burned myself-" i lied, quickly taking the pot off of the stove eye.

"with what? i raised two teenagers at some point y'know, and one of them put me through hell about boys. so, i know this isn't just a burn." he speaks calmly but in a serious tone.

suddenly that irritation boiled inside of me and i snapped. why was he allowed to control me? im in my prime 20s! i should be allowed to live my life now.

"dad, you don't know if i've changed. i might want to do a silk press or wear big bulky watches. also, the blunts are amorahs since she was over earlier. and sometimes my eyes can't take the itchiness from the contacts." i groan, coming off icier and with a bit of security.

he hesitates to say something.

"you're...you're right coco. i'm sorry that i was in security mode. i understand you're an adult and i'm sorry for being in your business. it's just because you're my baby-baby girl. my youngest one.." he put his hands up in defense with squared shoulders and sat back on the couch.

"it's okay i just-"

just as i felt relief, the worst thing happened.