snowdrop | 최범규

3 | watery eyes.

D - 87

Lavender spun across the streets with snowflakes making their mark on top of her dark black hair. she felt overjoyed to finally have her portfolio back in her hands where it belonged. she clutched it tight to her chest, smiling.

the time was four in the afternoon, strangely late for Lavender to be walking home. slowly, she remembered how she had to have an hour recap and welcoming of the new boy from the class time she missed with him. she didn't understand, why would he care so much about returning something she held to deeply to her heart?

well, everybody in their right mind should do that. maybe she was thinking too deeply into it. besides, she didn't even know anything about him besides the name he introduced himself by in class. she smiled and wanted to bring herself back to reality instead of staying in her daydreams.

her mother always told her to daydream of her possibilities and make it a reality. she was glad to have so many fond memories of her inspiration before she passed. Lavender was glad that she still had the painting of her mother in her folder.

she opened up the folder to look at the portrait as an origami shaped letter fell from it. Lavender scrunched her eyebrows.

a paper heart?

taking a seat at the bench, she read the written signal of open on the front of the origami. carefully undoing the shape, she read the letter beheld from the beautiful heart.

i found your portfolio on the bus and i wanted to bring it to you since i could only imagine the heart attack it gave you if you lost it.

i saw your painting of snow drops and i think it was absolutely beautiful. the colors you chose were so mesmerizing, the brush strokes were so articulated and i could go on and on, and i will.

even though i wanted to see more of your art, to give you privacy, i didn't look through the portfolio. i know you're amazing and i don't know if i should say this next part but...i also think you're beautiful.

i promise i'm not a creep, i'm so sorry. but, i'll meet you at the bus stop tomorrow morning, if that's okay? and if it's not, you can totally ignore me and pretend i'm not even there! whatever you're more comfortable with.

- beomgyu.

Lavender could felt her eyes begin to water. nobody had ever said such sweet words to her. she was touched, and especially grateful at how considerate he was this entire time.

he thought she was.....beautiful?

as if she had summoned him, she could see him walking her direction a few feet in front of her. he had his hands stuffed in the pockets of his long coat with his head staring at the concrete floor.

but as he got closer, she could tell he wasn't walking her direction, but straight past her. he was in a rush to get home and Lavender had no idea why.

"B-Beomgyu.." she trailed off, reaching out for his wrist. she got a hold of it, watching him turn to face her.

at that moment, realization struck her that she never really saw him face to face. now that he was quite close to her, his brown eyes glistened from the snow. the flakes fell to his eyelashes, but what shocked Lavender more were the boy's watered eyes. he was crying, no, he was forcing tears back. he didn't want them to fall because he didn't want her to feel bad about anything. she wasn't the reason, for any of this. in fact, she was one of the only reasons he had ever smiled since he came to the town.

"what's the matter?" she looked at him with purity, genuinely wanting to help the friend who stood before her.

he was out of words. he didn't know what to say, but he didn't want her to think she was the reason he was crying. she was the reason he held back tears. "i have to go." he didn't want to hurt her, he didn't want to make her worry. he choked back everything he wanted to say.

his eyes fell to her hand clutching his wrist, and Lavender could've sworn a tear drop wet her fingers.

"L-Lavender."

Beomgyu slowly moved his shaky hand from his pocket and gently removed her hand from him. Lavender could sense his action was glazed with regret. before anything could happen, she watched as he grew smaller and smaller with distance.

and she didn't follow.

she was never the one to follow.

*:･✧*: :*

Leaving Lavender hanging with no clue of what was going on hurt Beomgyu deeply. he wanted to explain why he was crying, why he didn't explain the letter, why he went back on his word. or why he ignored the girl he waited all day to talk to.

but he couldn't explain it.

he walked down the alley and closed the gate to his house along with shutting his front door. he leaned the back of his head against the door and slid down until his body hit the wood floor.

he didn't bother to clean or unpack much. it was the beginning of November and he only had until February to live in the town. he regretting handing Lavender the letter because he knew they could never work, he would be leaving back home in Korea in three months anyways. it would be in his best interest not to catch feelings.

there was still a glimmer of hope inside of him. and he hated that hope.

he leaned the back of his head against the door, hugging his legs to his chest. he had always heard about how wonderful "first days at college" were until he had his. he expected today to be welcoming, especially with such a small class. he didn't expect laughs from people at his sides who laid eyes upon his portfolio. it felt like they were ridiculing his artwork, like he was out of place in a small town. he had never been away from home for so long.

his art wasn't anything to laugh at. it was portraits of people he loved but it seemed that people didn't like his art style. he painted splashes of colors that nobody could've imagined together. he had a lovely imagination, but it seemed like nobody appreciated it. his brush strokes weren't as articulated as everybody else and the flowers he added weren't simple roses like cliché painters. he added symbolism but nobody cared and it hurt him terribly.

he was alone in a small town where he felt like he didn't fit in. but he couldn't go back now. he had to showcase his artwork, he had to show that his art was worth leaving home for. deep down in his heart, he knew it. he knew that his art was worth it, no matter if nobody believed in him.

going back now only meant that his parents would think they were right about his art. that it wasn't worth it, but it was to him. and he wasn't going to go back on his word.

but the ridiculing in his class was discouraging to his dreams.

his second day was tomorrow and the only thing he was looking forward to was the bus stop with Lavender. he wanted to get to know her better, he wanted to be her friend, even if he knew it were impossible.

why was this hope shining so bright?

but he would have to explain his action today with her. he wasn't ready to explain his situation, not yet.

he would have to one day,

but that day wasn't soon.

and all that would leave him with was regret in the future.