Abused, bullied and unloved

Twelve

I was on my way home. School had finished. All I wanted to do was go home and watch tv. When I unlocked the door and entered the house my dad was waiting for me. "So, do you want to tell me why you skipped first period?" my dad asked. I didn't answer. "Well if your not going to answer me now we can talk about it in the morning." I knew that if we talked about it in the morning it wouldn't go so well. "I am sorry that I skipped, it won't happen again", I said, even though I knew this wasn't going to end well. "Ya, you said that last time too, but it must not have stuck in your head." My dad then threw punches at me, kicked me and then grabbed me and threw me into the closet. The closet had a lock, and I heard him lock me in here. "Why, did it have to be your brother that killed himself and not you?", I heard my so called dad say. I sat down on the floor. I grabbed my knees and hugged them while I slowing began to cry. I hate my life so much. There might be someone else out there who has it worse, but I still hate myself and my life. What did I do to deserve this life. Why can't it go back to where I had a happy life. Where I thought everybody loved me. Where people actually cared about me. When everything was fine, it still wasn't really that prefect. I knew my parents liked Carson way better then me. Carson was a prefect child, I was the opposite. But I was still cared for. In moments like these, I wonder how my life would be if Carson was still alive. Or if I granted my parents and bullies wishes and killed myself. Sometimes I find myself thinking about death. The thing that prevents me form doing it is the fact that I keep telling myself that it will get better. I will find something or someone who can help me. Sometimes I wonder what will happen if I let the blood drip from my arm when I self harm. What would happen if a pass out. Would my parents find me and do something about it, or just let me die. Would anybody care. I found myself getting tried and felt my eyes closing. I then fell asleep, with the thought of me killing myself.

-

I was thrown onto the floor, by my dad. When I woke up."Please don't hurt me. I said I was sorry, it won't happen again." I said. "That's not enough, you need to learn your lesson". my dad said. " I already did yesterday, I told you I was sorry". I said. "Shut up, I don't care", and with that came another beating. Why am I so useless. Once my dad finished, he left the house with me laying on the floor in pain. I slowly, got up in pain, and walk to the washroom to clean myself up. I got dressed, and headed for school. I was in so much pain. When I arrived the boys were there, well Calum wasn't. I really can't handle this, I am already sore form this morning. When I reached them, I ran, with difficulty, into the building. They followed me. As I ran, I bumped into the Calum. I some what hid behide Calum, hoping he would stand up for me, since we're friends and I trust him. Ashton stopped running when he saw Calum. "What are you doing Calum?", Luke asked. "Why is she running away for you guys?", Calum asked. "Because, she needs a beating. Come on Calum this is your time to prove that your still our friend." Luke said. At first Calum hesitated, but Calum grabbed me from behind him and brought me in front of him. I looked at Calum. He looked at me and dragged me outside, he pushed me to the ground. He started to throw punches at me. The other boys soon joined in. They left after what felt like forever. I picked myself, and somehow made it to the girls washroom. I cleaned myself up, while I cried. I don't know why I cried I get beat up everyday. All that I do know is I will never have a friend, Vincent left and now Calum has lost all my trust. I cleaned up my tears and walked out of the washroom. I grabbed my books and made my way to math class. Once I had made it, i sat at the back and payed no attention to the lesson.

-

I was on my way to the tree. It was 3:00 pm so, my first plan was to go home but, I found myself walking towards my secret place. When I arrived, I climbed the tree until I reached a certain height. I stood on the tree branch. I looked over the edge, it wasn't to high, but because I all i wanted to do was give me the effect of following off the tree and hurting myself. The height was prefect. It wasn't to high that I would hurt myself, but it was still prefect. I closed my eyes and jumped off. When I landed, I opened my eyes and walked towards the trunk of the tree. I sat down and cried. I find that I cry a lot. I hate Calum. Maybe he only wanted to be my friend so he could find my weaknesses and use it against me. Maybe he just wanted to use me. You know what they say, keep your friends close but your enemies closer. I know that it not the end if the world, when you lose a friend. But for me, it still hurts because I hardly have any friends. I climbed up the tree and jumped off a couple more times before, I decided that it was time to go home. I really don't think my parents would care if I wasn't home. They only really care if I skipped school or something like that. I hate my parents.