FUBU

diecinueve

Sadness is but a wall between two gardens.

The abyss of pleasure is one that no one can ever say no to. It no different with Sari. Every single moment we shared is tattooed in my mind and makes me count an endless number of sheep every night. Especially on the ones that she's not with me. 

Bumalik kami sa dating gawi. The usual text me or chat me relationship when I need you. 

That afternoon, I was sitting in my couch with her tangled against my legs while we were watching this movie called No Strings Attached. 

A very shallow definition of what we have. And all throughout, we were laughing at some of the scenes from this movie. Not because we could relate to it but because it was just plain funny. 

For some reason, she stayed in today, I had to turn my phone off so no one would get to disturb us. 

It won't happen all the time. So we has an agreement to put our phones off. 

I grabbed another set of beer as she sift through another set of movies. And Ironic as it is, she chose Friends with Benefits. 

"Are you trying to tell me something?" my brows arched as I handed her a bottle of beer. 

"What do you mean?" she innocently looked at me as she took a sip of the beer. 

"We've been watching similar types of movies. Do you have anything you'd want to tell me?"

"Wow. Napaka-overthinker mo naman. Hindi ba pwedeng yan lang ang mga gusto kong panoorin? Tingnan mo naman, ganda ng bida at kahit hindi ideal type si Justine Timberlake, aba, magaling siyang umarte."

I sat beside her again as she placed her entire legs on top of mine. 

Something about this just felt simple and yet very comfortable. I caressed her legs teasingly. Trying to spark up the fire that I always see in her in the heat of passion. 

"Why do girls love this kind of things?"

"What kind of things?" her brows arched.

"The constant romantic notions. Gaya nitong movie, it all starts with the fun. The sexual agreements, the bond. But then, unfortunately, girls make it complicated."

"Really? This is so not you Austin."

"I mean, isn't it true?"

She scowled as she took another sip of the beer in her hands. 

"I don't know. I've never done that though."

I looked at her unbelieving of what she was saying.

"Hindi nga?"

"It's true. I don't let my emotions get involved."

"Kaya pala selos na selos ka nung malaman mong close kami ni Joanne."

"I wasn't jealous. I was being territorial."

"What's the difference?"

"I know what I want and no one should take it. That doesn't mean I have feelings for you or that my emotion is taking over. I may sound defensive, but in reality, you won't like me when I involve my feelings in all of this."

"Why not?" I got curious. And for a bit, what she said hurt my ego. 

"I can't get my feelings involved. That's not part of the plan. It never will be."

"And no one has ever made you feel emotions you can't control? Like no one at all?"

"Not that I can recall."