FUBU

veinte

Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.

Death may be the last news anyone would like to hear.

But its a news no one can delay. Everyone has to face it ultimately. Anyone can try and not take it in. But sooner or later, everyone has to go through it. 

"I just learned that she was pregnant Austin."

"What?" 

"Pero alam kong hindi ikaw ang ama. If there's one thing Joanne never shy away from, its honesty. She tells me everything."

"So are you saying its someone else?"

She meekly smiled. Pain is all over her face. They have just embalmed Joanne and now, she's about to be sent over to the place where her wake will be held. 

"I have to go take care of the rest of things for her wake. I'll see you around. Pupunta ka naman sa lamay niya di ba?"

"Of course. I will, I'll help you out."

"Thank you Austin."

Despite the loss, there was something else I felt that same day. Rage. Kung para kanino man ay ni hindi ko alam. Pero iisa lang ang alam kong pwedeng ama ng dinadala niya. 

I rushed to where I know he is. Travis just texted me that he and J were hanging out that day. 

As I drove towards them, everything looked real blurred. Naghalo na yata ang luha sa pawis dahil na din sa tensyong nararamdaman ko ng araw na yun.

Did he even know that she's dead?

Does he even care?

Ni hindi ko na nai-park ng maayos ang sasakyan ko. All I wanted to do was confront him with all the pain I feel inside. 

The moment I saw them, the first thing I did was grab him from his collar and dumped him right into the ground. I let out the strongest punch I could give as he tried to stand up and landed on the ground once again.

"Asshole! You are an asshole." 

Stacy, Melai and Travis were all there.

"Pare, ano bang problema mo?"

Travis stood in the middle of us but I was too deranged to even listen to anyone. I gave him another punch and was countered by one from Jeremiah. 

"Ano bang problema mo?" gali na galit na siya habang pinipigilan nina Melai. 

"Austin tama na." Melai intervened, "What is wrong with you?"

"She's dead J. Joanne, is dead." halos lahat ng tao sa paligid ay napapatigil na at napapatingin sa amin, "And you know what's the worst part? She was pregnant with your child. And here you are. Stupidly, having fun."

"What did you say?" halos nanggagalaiti na din si J sa galit. He took another step towards me and attempted to give out a punch but we were stopped by two bouncers, who were now holding both of us to stop attacking each other.

"She's dead J. And she was pregnant with your child."

"Sigurado ka ba?" his voice heightened in a questioning manner.

I shook my head from what I heard.

"Believe what you want to believe. Joanne was never a liar. Which just means, you really don't care about her. All you ever wanted was getting into her pants. You used your position to take advantage of her. Didn't you?"

"Hindi mo alam ang pinagsasabi mo tumigil ka!" napipikon na din si J sa mga sinasabi ko. I want to know if she mattered. If her choosing him was worth it.