FUBU

veintiocho

"Please sign here." I could barely hear the muffled voice from whom it came from. All I could hear ever since I walked in is deafening sounds. 

There were endless of papers I needed to sign, it felt redundant that I got bored of how my signature looked like. 

I am upset and I am making a decision. People should not be making decisions when upset should they?

"Miss?" pukaw ng nurse na kanina ko pa kausap.

"Yes?"

"We'll give you an hour?"

"Yeah," I gulped, "Thank you."

I walked into my father's room, my heart beating so fast. 

How should I tell him?

How do I let him go?

I stood in front of him, leaning against the door. My thoughts suddenly run through last night's incident. 

I was in a room with her and another man. She laid in bed, sexily facing me as the man he introduce me to was starting to caress me. Napapaigtad ako sa bawat pagdampi ng kamay niya sa kahit saang parte ng katawan ko. 

 He started kissing my shoulders while my back is facing him, cringing at the feel of his lips against my skin. 

She on the other hand was smiling sheepishly as she looked at me, not thinking of how uncomfortable I was. 

"I'm sorry, I can't." I pushed him away and walked as instantly as I can out of the room. 

"Hey."

I didn't look back. I can't look back. No matter how desperate I'd be, this is the last thing I'd do.

Bago pa man ako tuluyang makababa sa main living room ng mansyon, naramdaman ko na ang pagkabig ng isang kamay sa braso ko. 

"Sari." it was her.

"I can't. I can't do it. I'm sorry."

"You're saying no to me?"

"I'm saying no to all of this. I agreed to your husband and you. But this, this is too much."

"Do you really think there's any difference? Kung anumang ginagawa mo sa kasama ako at ang asawa ko is just the same with what I am trying to do right now. Wag kang maarte."

"It's not the same. It's just not."

"If you say no, you will suffer."

"I know."

"Your father will no longer live with all of those hospital bills you'll be stuck in. Are you getting what I mean?"

"I can't believe you'd say that. But yes, alam ko naman kung ano'ng mangyayari. But I can still preserve whatever dignity I still have if I'd really want to. I don't want to be a part of this anymore. Not even for you and Collin. I'm done."

I walked away from her, as fast as I could. 

I opened my eyes again, I felt the tears that fell and tasted it's salty feel against my tongue. 

I dragged my feet towards him and sat beside him. 

"Pa.." I could hear my voice crack, before I started bawling. For the past years that I have been in and out of this hospital, all I could think of now is how he must feel that I have given up so easily. 

But what could a child do?

Yes, child. 

"Pa, sabihan mo naman ako kung ano'ng gagawin ko. Or kung tama ang ginagawa ko ngayon. Bigyan mo ako ng ideya Pa kung pwede na ba. Kasi hindi ko na kayang makitang nahihirapan ka. Hindi ko na din kaya Pa. Ayoko na."