FUBU

cuarenta y nueve

Dash

"You said you did something bad."

I did something bad? But why can't I remember anything?

I tried to recall everything that happened that night. I wondered if I was too drunk to recall a single thing. 

My people in the kitchen were now on lunch as I sat in front of my oven, pouring myself a glass of wine. 

As the liquid slowly filled the rim of my glass, a sudden splash of memory came to me. 

Right here in this kitchen. 

"You mind filling me with some of those?"

She leaned against the kitchen door, a wine glass in hand. I sat in one of the stools across my kitchen table. I just saw Sari talking to Austin. 

My mind was fighting just moments ago if I should intervene or just let them be. Sa huli, nanaig ang kagustuhan kong mapag-isa. Perhaps to think about the things that I have been doing. 

Now, Shane approaches me with a glass in hand, asking me to share a wine. 

"Fancy seeing you here." she glances at the entire kitchen.

"This is my turf. How about you? Why are you here?"

"Silence. I wanted to go back to my room but once I saw you in here, I figured maybe I can take a quick drink with you."

"Well, I appreciate the company."

She sat on the stool beside me and started sipping some of her wine. 

"Was it too much?"

"What is?"

"Seeing them."

I stared straight at her eyes, piercing through me. Her hair is shaved from sideways, definitely not a typical hairstyle that women would choose. But it was rather attractive on her. 

"Maybe."

"Do you have feelings for her?"

I raised my head and sighed. 

"What should a man do? When you find out she kissed someone else?"

"Did she like it?"

"She did."

"But did she want him?"

"I guess not."

"Then a man should forgive. And try his best to win her. Give her the greatest fight he can give to make her not think of anyone else."

"I guess I could do that."

"Do you want to?"

"I don't know what I want anymore."

"Why is that?"

"Because as it turns out, things that I want will never be mine. Just like you."

Her stare grew deeper by the minute. 

Then slowly, she leaned closer towards me.

"What are you doing?"

"Have I told you that I have experimented in so many things while I was away?"

She was too close, gahibla na lamang ang namamagitan sa amin. My nervousness started to attack. 

"What kind of experiments?"

"Sleeping with a man, a woman, even with both. I only found out about one thing."