FUBU

treinta y cuatro

One of the most dreaded part during an application process is the waiting game.

Contrary to everyone's belief, the industry is not easy to get into. 

From entry level to managerial and even on the higher management level, the pain of waiting is common.

I guess it goes with all other industries. The waiting game is always the worst.

You dread the days like you are punished for a mortal sin. It's not anything different for me.

So to get my mind off the thoughts and the dreadful wait, I drank.

"Hey. Tama na yan. Lasing ka na." Dash grabbed the bottle of tequila from my hand and placed it somewhere far from my reach.

"I'm not lasing." kahit alam kong hindi na magkamayaw ang dila ko sa pagbigkas ng salita, "I'm still okay. Ikaw...ikaw ang hindi na okay." dinuduro-duro ko pa siya sa dibdib.

"Ano'ng hindi okay?" tumaas ng bahagya ang boses niya.

My mind is clear and I can see everything. I am aware of everything.

Dash doesn't look that good.

Pansin ko ding hapong-hapo siya kanina bago kami nagsimulang mag inuman.

When you're tired, it's never a good idea to drink.

"Bakit ka pa kasi uminom," I could hear my funny drunk voice, "Alam mong pagod ka. Di ba dapat.... ang taong pagod... nagpapahinga."

"No." he sat up straight, "No, I am not drunk. Hindi ako lasing. Ikaw ang lasing."

"Hindi. Ikaw ang lasing."

"Ikaw nga."

"Ikaw nga sabi eh."

I suddenly heard myself giggle, "O sige, tayong dalawa nalang ang lasing." and then another giggle, "akin na yung alak. Nandito lang naman tayo sa bahay ko. Wala naman sigurong lalason sa akin dito." but then I sat up straight, "unless kung ikaw talaga pala yung lumason sa akin."

"Bakit ako? Ako nagligtas sa'yo di ba?"

"Oo nga pala no?"I laughed out loud, "Alam mo ba, habang dumidilim na paningin ko nung araw na 'yun, ang nasa isip ko,.. I.. lived a good life. And that maybe.. maybe.. I can be reincarnated to an even good life later on. And then boom!" I said trying to be funny, "All white. White walls, white curtains, white everything. Then I saw you."

"You saw me."

"Yeah."

"Did I look white? With some halo."

I chuckled. 

"No, you were not. You were you."

"I am me." he drank straight from the tequila bottle, his eyes never leaving mine. Then he came closer to me. "I will always be me." 

Then he got even more closer. The next thing I felt were his lips against mine. 

The difference with this kiss against the previous ones is that it doesn't feel rushed. It doesn't feel lustful. It's slow and steady. Its almost as if feelings are about to embark. 

Feelings I can't afford to have.

The I stopped responding to his kiss and smiled. 

"That was a strange kiss." I chuckled. "Do you know what's strange?"

He sighed of frustration. I can feel it. 

"What?" but still, he managed to let out that boyish smile.