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Yoongi's POV

(The next day)
I woke up feeling extremely shitty, mentally and physically. My brain was foggy, I had barely slept and my body ached.

Shit shit shit

I didn't want to get up at all, I could stay in bed with Jimin all day if I could.

"Good morning Yoongi-ah, how did you sleep?" Jimin asked with a cute smile on his face.

"Good morning Jimin, I didn't sleep too well. How did you sleep?"

" I slept well Yoongi-ah, how are you feeling"

"I'm having a bad day, like, really bad. Everything seems..... meaningless"

"It's gonna be ok Yoongi hyung, this bad day is going to pass. You may have more bad days like today, but I'm going to be here for you" Jimin said softly, offering a smile.

"Ughhh, do I have to go today" I sighed, laying my head down in my hands.

"Yoongi-ah, it might help you feel better, and if it doesn't, then we can get you to see another therapist. You'll never know how this one goes until you go to it. I know it's not a good day and it's shit, the session could really help you" Jimin said rubbing my back then he embraced me in his arms.

I don't know how I'm feeling, I don't know if I'm going to burst out into tears or scream.

I'm dreading my therapy session, how am I supposed to speak about my issues and traumas when I can't articulate what I am feeling? When I have absolutely no clue what is going on?

"It's gonna be ok, don't worry Yoongi" I pulled my head out of my hands and hugged Jimin back.

Time skip (apologies in advance for the lazy writing 💀)

"Hello I am Dr. Jung, your therapist"

"Hello Dr. Jung"

"So Yoongi, I just have a few questions to ask you before we get started"

"Ask away"

"Before I get started, I just want you to think of this session as a consultation rather than a therapy session. Have you had therapy in the past? "

"Yes"

"Did you find it helpful?"

"Sort of"

"Can you tell me what coping mechanisms you have"

"Um, well, I uh, I used to cut myself, starve myself and make myself throw up after eating"

"How are you feeling now?"

"Numb, honestly not sure how I feel"

"How often did you used to hurt yourself?"

"Um, for a while, I uh, I would used to hurt myself almost every day. I um, I still get the urge to now, sometimes"

"Can you tell me how that made you feel?"

"I felt like I was in control of the pain, I hurt myself when I deemed necessary"

"When was the last time?"

"Ummm, probably almost 2 weeks ago now? Has it been that long already? Anyway it was when I attempted suicide, that was the last time" I felt my body get very tense and hot.

"There's a breathing exercise I want you to try for your anxiety, inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 5 and release for 7.  When you are having a panic attack and feel like you cannot regulate your breathing, I want you to think of things you can see, things you can hear, things you can smell, touch and taste. This is basically grounding yourself, focusing on your surroundings and bringing you back to reality"

I closed my eyes and tried the breathing exercise, holy shit it kinda helped.

"So do you want to talk about anything that happened recently?"

"I know I have to process the shit, stuff that I've been through, it's just very difficult to do"

"It is going to be difficult, but it is going to get better with time. If you ever feel extremely anxious or overwhelmed in our sessions we can take a break, give yourself time to process what you've been through"

"Yeah, also I'm not sure if the antidepressants I'm on are working for me. Lately I just have been very disconnected and uninterested"

"I see here that you are not on any anti-anxiety medication. I'll send out a prescription for them, be sure to take 1 every day as you have extreme anxiety. In our session next week, if you are comfortable with continuing being my patient, we can see if this combination is working or not" I bowed at him to thank him. He handed me the prescription.

"Hopefully I will see you next week?" He said with a smile.

"I guess so, see you then" he waved and I waved back.

I left the out-patient psychiatry clinic, putting a cap and mask on so people wouldn't recognise me, and walked to Sejin's car.

I didn't say much during the ride back home but he gave a knowing look, as though he understood what I'm going through.

After we arrived I said my goodbyes to Sejin then he drove off. I opened the door to the dorms and the boys were having fun in the living room. Jimin saw me and ran up to me embracing me in a warm hug, I hugged him back nuzzling my face in the crook of his neck.

"How was it?" Jimin asked as he pulled away from the hug.

"It was ok, I'm gonna go back next week. The doctor gave me anti-anxiety meds" he hugged me again.

"I'm so proud of you Yoongi-ah, you are doing so well"

"Thank you Jimin, you've helped me a lot"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi guys, back with this chapter after over a year 🫡 it was not my plan to take this long but so much has been going on in my life recently!! College has been crazy you guys, but I have 1 more year left (I can graduate in November but I'm doing an extra year for a higher qualification) but I have an idea for my dissertation!! Ive passed all my exams and I'm going to graduate with a distinction!!!

I feel like this book is coming to an end, but I'm going to start another one soon after this one is over. It won't be a sequel to this book, but I am planning on writing a thriller type fic.

Also OUR WORLDWIDE HANDSOME IS BACK ARMY!!! I've been an army for over 7 years now, BTS has been together for 11 and hopefully many more years yet to come!

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