Broken || Yoonmin (Depressed Yoongi)

11

Yoongi's POV

When we were eating our meals, the voices in my head didn't stop. I forced myself to finish eating lunch earlier, which I regret since we didn't practice that much so I didn't burn many calories.

You fat pig. You ate too much food. You will never be as perfect as Jimin, no matter how hard you try. Everyone else in the group is way better than you. You are just an extra thing added to the group. You are disgusting.

I downed half a glass of wine in an attempt to drown out the voices in my head. I finished my meal and so did everyone else.

You know what to do now, don't you? How is anyone going to love you if you are disgusting and you are not good enough?

Having enough of the voices corrupting my mind, I excused myself from the table and headed over to the bathroom, feeling six pairs of eyes on me.

I made my way over to one of the cubicles. I dropped to my knees in front of the toilet not bothering to close the door and shoved my index and middle fingers down my throat.

I felt the familiar burning sensation in my stomach moving up to my throat. I pulled my fingers out as I puked up some of the food I ate earlier.

I repeated that a few times, until I emptied my stomach. I was just gagging on my fingers at this stage.

"Hyung, what are you doing? Why are you doing that to yourself?" I heard a low voice shout. I knew it was Taehyung. I got scared but then turned my head to face him.

He had tears in his eyes, and his face looked saddened.

Great job Yoongi, now Tae knows what you do. Everyone else is going to find out and kick you out if the group. They wouldn't want a pathetic depressed piece of shit as a friend and the fans would hate you even more.

I couldn't take the voice in my head anymore, I broke down crying in front of Tae. I was afraid of what he would say, but he just pulled my into his embrace.

I buried my head in the crook of his neck, feeling his warmth. He started to rub circles on my back as I sobbed, stained his suit with my tears.

"Shhh, it's going to be ok" he started to say. He rocked us back and forth as I started to calm down a bit.

"We are going to have to tell the others about this, we can help you. Everyone else-" "No, they are going to hate me" I interrupted him, sounding cold.

Right then and there the bathroom door flung open, revealing a worried Jimin.

"Hyung, what happened?" I felt my heart rising up in my throat. "I uh-" "He has indigestion, and he's in a bit of pain. He'll be fine soon" Taehyung spoke up. I was thankful that he thought of something on the spot.

On the other hand, Jimin didn't seem to buy it. His expression on his face looked sad.

"Okay then... I'll tell the others" he said bluntly, with no expression. He then left the bathroom.

I lifted my head up and looked Taehyung in the eyes.

"Listen, we will have to talk about this. Jimin knows something is up now, and everyone else has been suspicious" he spoke up.

"I know" I then remembered what Jimin told me, about his past. And how Taehyung helped him through it.

" I won't tell the others until you are ready, okay" I felt a bit of relief for a moment.

I felt a heavy weight on my shoulders, but I just stood up. I got up too quickly and ended up stumbling, but luckily Taehyung caught me.

"You need to take it slowly" he put his arms on my waist to hold me up, and guided me out of the bathroom. I was greeted by the other members, who's expressions were sad and slightly pissed off.

"Are you feeling better now?" Jin asked, the attention still on me making me want to disappear. I avoided their gazes at me, I nodded my head and just looked at my feet.

"The van is waiting outside" Namjoon said, walking over to me. He and Taehyung helped me into the van. I sat beside the window and Jimin sat down beside me.

The ride back to the dorms was quite, I didn't pay attention to anything anyway. I just gazed out the window, the darkness taking over the streets. I was thinking about what might happen in the future.

Time skip

I went to my room to get changed into comfy clothes. I put on an oversized hoodie and a pair of slightly loose joggers.

I walked over to the kitchen to get a drink, but when I got there the other members were gathered around the table. I looked at them weirdly.

"Yoongi, you need help" Namjoon said, his voice cracking slightly.

"What do you mean by that?" I asked with a poker face.

"We have all been talking, and now we know why you have gotten so thin, too thin even" I just stared, dumbfounded.

"Taehyung told us what he saw you doing earlier, why won't you talk to us if something is bothering you?" Hobi spoke up. His eyes were burning holes in my tired ones.

I couldn't say anything, my mouth was dry and I felt like I was suffocating.

I looked over at Taehyung, who avoided my stare.

"Hyung, I'm sorry. I couldn't keep that from them. Now we know how you keep losing weight even though you ate well" his voice broke.

He got up from his seat and walked over to me. I didn't realize that I was breathing so fast.

"Hyung, hey it's going to be fine. We're going to get you the help you need" he put his hands on my shoulders. I pushed his hands away from me.

"Don't fucking touch me" I said weakly, but kept a cold expression even though I was on the verge of having a panic attack.

"I don't need your fucking help, cause there's nothing wrong with me, okay? There's nothing wrong. I'm completely fine. Just leave me the fuck alone" I shouted at everyone, surprising them and me.

"Yoongi, please just listen to me-" "ARE YOU FUCKING DEAF I SAID I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP AND I DON'T NEED YOUR PITY EITHER" I yelled at Jimin, but immediately regretted it after. I walked over to the front door of our dorm and put my shoes and coat on. As I opened the door I felt a hand yank my wrist. I tried to pull my arm back.

"LET GO OF ME" I yelled, getting frustrated. I was turned around and I was forced to look at Jimin.

"Hyung, listen to me, I know what you are going through-" "YOU HAVE NOT GOT A SINGLE FUCKING CLUE OF WHAT I AM GOING THROUGH, WHY THE FUCK DO YOU REALLY CARE ANYWAY?" "BECAUSE I LIKE YOU, and I don't want anything to happen to you. Please hyung, just listen to me" I pushed him away, shocked at his sudden confession.

"How could you like someone like me? Me of all people? Why Jimin? I'm ugly, disgusting, talentless, stupid and fat. You are the complete opposite of me. Do you even hear yourself right now?" I started to laugh like a maniac now, I couldn't control myself.

I turned to the door and opened it. I felt Jimin give me a back hug.

"Don't go. Please" his voice was so soft it came out like a whisper.

"Don't follow me" I said coldly. "Where are you going?" Jimin tried to pull me back in, but I used the last of my strength to push him off me.

I closed the door behind me, then started to make my way out of the building. I took out my mask that I keep in my pocket and put it on my face. I then made my way down the cold streets and wondered over to a bridge.