Broken || Yoonmin (Depressed Yoongi)

1

Trigger Warnings

Suicidal thoughts
Mentions of self harm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yoongis POV

It is currently 2:39 am, we have dance practice and a meeting in just a few hours.Im just laying down in my bed, trying to let sleep take over my body as dark thoughts started to take over my mind. I want to sleep, I just can't.

My roommate, Seokjin, was sleeping peacefully on the other side of our shared room. His 'beauty sleep' he calls it a lot. I wish I could sleep so peacefully.

I sluggishly climbed out of my cold bed and walked over to our bathroom. I got in and I quickly locked the door just in case and turned the shower on. While I was waiting for the water to heat up I slowly started getting undressed.

I looked at myself in the mirror, I was disgusted at how I looked. My face is paler than usual, my hair is a mess and I have huge bags under my eyes. How did I even become a member of BTS

I slowly looked down at my thighs, which were full of scars. I've been clean for a few weeks now. Only Seokjin hyung found out about my condition because he found me passed out on the bathroom tiles.

He hid the razors away somewhere and he never lets me shave my face when he's not there. He must have been traumatised after seeing me almost dead so he's not risking me doing anything to hurt myself.

I slowly stepped into the shower. I stood there for a few minutes and let the hot water heat up my body. I washed my hair and put conditioner in it so it won't look dead.

I wash my body off then stepped out of the shower, goosebumps visible on my arms because of the contact with the cold air on my damp skin. I dried myself off and got dressed.

I walked over to my bed slowly so I won't wake up Jin hyung. Suddenly he started talking in his sleep. I could only make out a bit of what he was saying but not much. He's been doing that a lot lately.Maybe he is having a bad dream. I crawled back into my bed and somehow managed to drift off to sleep.

I shot up out of bed when I heard Jin hyung shout "YOONGI-AH NO". I looked over at my clock and it read 4:02. I looked over to him and he was in a sitting position. I walked over to him, carefully not to startle him.

His forehead was damp with cold sweat and his clothes were drenched in sweat. I sat beside him making the bed dip slightly.

"Hyung, what's wrong?" I asked him "Yoongi-ah, I'm scared" he let out a muffled sob as he rested his head in the crook of my neck. "Hyung, tell me what you're scared of". He looked up at me with red puffy eyes. I was honestly surprised to see my Hyung crying, he barely cries.

"Yoongi-ah, I'm just so scared that-that one day, I will w-wake up and you will not be here, that we won't see you ever again. That o-one day, you will just leave all of us be-behind" he said through his tears.

"Hyung, I'm not going anywhere, I'm going to stay here, with all six of you guys. I promise I'm not going to leave" he started to calm down after that. Promises are made to be broken, just like I am.

"You pr-promise you will n-never leave us?" I seem a smile on his face and his eyes twinkle. "Yes Hyung I promise" he then leaned back into the crook of my neck.

His breathing became even after a few minutes and I assumed he was asleep. I carefully laid him down back on the bed and I crawled in beside him. I couldn't go back to sleep. I kept thinking about why Hyung cares so much. Whatever, I feel really bad because I caused him to feel scared.

Damn it Min Yoongi you fucked up again, you can't do anything right. Everyone would be better off without you. There it is again, the voices are back. This won't be good at all.

Jins POV

I woke up and looked to my right to see a sleeping Yoongi. I then remember the events that occurred last night and the reason why he is in my bed. That's the third time this week that I've had a dream like that. I never want it to be real.

*Flashback to Jins dream*

My members and I were doing a photo shoot with an old building site just beside a cliff with the oceans waves hitting off the bottom of it. The staff members told us to not go too close to the edge of the cliff.

When the photo shoot was over, we all went to get something to eat and drink. I noticed that Yoongi has been acting off and down lately, it's probably just stress.

After the snacks we started to pack up. Something was strange. I looked around to see the familiar blonde boy standing dangerously close to the edge of the cliff. "YOONGI, WE HAVE TO GO NOW COME ON " I shouted. He just turned around slowly, tears streaming down his emotionless face.

I slowly walked towards him. "Stop, don't come near me" Yoongi's voice broke. "Hyung, I need to do this" "Yoongi, what are you doing?" I heard Namjoon say.

"I'm not good enough, for anything. I'm just a useless, lazy and disgusting excuse for a person" he started walking backwards, almost falling off the edge.

"No, Yoongi come here, to us please don't leave us here" I said painfully trying to get him not to fall off the cliff. "I'm sorry hyung, goodbye" he slowly fell backwards and soon he was out of sight. "YOONGI-AH NO"...

*End of dream*

I stared at his face for a while, examining his features. How did he get so skinny, his cheeks are sunken in but he always ate his food, right?

I shook it off then slowly made my way to the kitchen to prepare breakfast for the younger members, it's my duty as the oldest hyung of this group.

When I walked into the kitchen, Namjoon was sitting at the counter looking on his phone and drinking coffee. I couldn't help but smile when he looked up at me and greeted me with his cute dimple smile.

"Good morning hyungie" I smiled at the cute nickname. "Good morning Joonie" I could swear that I just seen a smug little grin on his face.

"Ah hyung?" "Yes Joonie?" "Can you make a really big breakfast today, we need a lot of energy for the dance practice after the meeting with bang pd nim about our new album" "Sure, I'll start making it now"

After about an hour the breakfast was ready. I asked Namjoon to wake up the others, the rest of the younger boys came in one by one. They all greeted me with sleepy eyes, but soon woke right up from the sight of the huge meal in front of them.

As we all started eating I noticed that Yoongi is barely touching his food. "Yoongi, are you ok?" Jimin asked him. I saw Yoongi jump slightly at the sudden question distributing the silence. "Yes I'm ok Jimin, I'm just tired, that's all" he said quietly.

"Hyung, eat up we have a very busy day and you need the energy" Namjoon softly said to Yoongi, then Yoongi stopped playing with his food and started eating in in small amounts.

After everyone finished eating we got dressed and headed out the door to be greeted with a black wan bringing us to bang pd nims private office.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I hope this chapter doesn't seem rushed😅. This is my first fanfic and i hope you like it.

XOXO