He Was My First Little Love

20

Someone said that love is naturally in the heart of eech people. You can't live without love because even the most evil person in the world can also love, there's no exception for love. Love never dies, if you love someone, you can't stop loving them, but it's possible to lessen your love to someone.

"I still love you after all..."

I think I froze for a second when I heard that from him. I can't believe he said that, should I believe to his words? 

"Liar..." mahina kong pagkakasabi bago tumayo at iwan siya sa loob ng convenience store. Hindi ko alam kung saan ako papunta pero gusto ko lang makalayo sa kaniya. Ayokong maging mahina at tuluyang maniwala sa mga kasinungalingan niya, tama na yung nagpauto ako sa kaniya dati. 

"El, wait!" he grab my wrist to stop me. I tried to get my wrist back but he hold it really tight, mariin akong napapikit bago humarap sa kaniya. Nasa gitna kami ng daan at wala na ring masyadong tao dahil gabing-gabi na. 

"Stop this Zheil, matagal na tayong tapos." walang gana kong sabi, pinilit kong hindi tumingin sa mga mata niya pero siya mismo ang nagkusa na iharap ang mukha ko sa kaniya. Kita ko ang mapula niyang mga mata at namumungay na rin ito. I think he's drunk. 

"Sinabi ko naman sa'yo di 'ba, I can wait until you accept me again." ramdam ko ang pangungulila niya. Hinayaan ko lang siya na hawakan ang kamay ko, hindi ako kumibo sa mga sinabi niya. Hindi ko alam kung paniniwalaan ko pa 'ba siya matapos ang nangyari sa amin. 

"You're drunk, just go home. Ayoko na ma-issue pa tayong dalawa. We're done for very long time, so stop chasing me or whatever...just get away from me. Ayoko ng mainvolve pa sa'yo kahit kailan." I said calmly, I walk away but he grab again my hand and he hug me. 

"Zheil ano 'ba!" halos mapaos kong sabi sa kaniya. I tried to escape from his hug but it's really tight. I feel nervous because we're in public place and they might see us with this position. 

"Let go of me Zheil... please." I said while trying to escape from him but he intend to hug me more tight. 

"Ayoko... I know once I let go of you, hindi na kita mayayakap pa... please Elo, pagbigyan mo na ako kahit ngayon lang." mahina pero sapat na para marinig ko ang mga sinabi niya. Nawalan ako ng lakas na makawala sa kaniya. I look up, forcing myself not to cry. Why he need to do this? Mas lalo lang akong bumabalik sa nakaraan tuwing nasa harap ko siya. Bakit 'ba binibigyan niya ako ng mixed feelings?! Ano 'ba talagang nararamdaman niya para sa akin?!

"Why... why you're doing this, huh? I don't understand you... please bitawan mo na ako. We're done, kung ano man intensyon mo sa akin, itigil mo na lang, it's not good for us." I said while we're at the same position.

"Ang tagal kong nag-intay para sa'yo El, hindi ko kayang pakawalan ka... hindi ko kaya." He said while looking at my eyes. I stay silent, just looking at him with no reaction. 

"Don't fool yourself, nakaya mo nang ilang taon na wala ako at makakaya mo kahit hindi pa ako bumalik sa'yo. Let's be real, Zheil, everything changed... hindi na tayo kagaya ng dati. We have our own life, hindi mo na ako kailangan at hindi na rin kita kailangan. Masaya na ako ngayon... huwag mo na sana akong guluhin pa." I said directly while looking in his eyes. I'm totally okay without him, so what's the purpose of him para bumalik pa? Nakakaya ko ng wala siya sa tabi ko. I can live happy without his love either... in short I don't need him again.