so what if you made a deal with an omnipotent god and then got hit by a car

"at least it couldn't get any worse" it then proceeded to get worse

"let's make a deal"

Okay what the actual hell. Staring at them I was confused and disoriented. at least it couldn't get any worse. They're honestly creeping me out. Getting up from the floor I noticed that I was healed, because if I wasn't I would be paralyzed from the neck down like I was before.

"What kind of deal?"

To say I found this suspicious would be an understatement. I was literally dying not that long ago. Who or what even is this person? How did I even get here?

"The deal is we swap. In exchange for a fresh start with a new body that won't die as easily you give me your old one as a vessel of sorts for me. You're lucky you know, most people turned down the offer so you get a chance at another life."

"Vessel? If you're powerful enough to put me into a new body why can't you do it for yourself? Seems kinda suspicious to me I can see why other people said no."

They looked annoyed and a bit offended. I mean in order to pull that shit you've gotta be some sort of god so why wouldn't they be able to just put themself into a new body without asking?

"Well you see, there's a loophole for me entering bodies. I can't enter a body without permission which includes ones I make, but I can exchange bodies. So by creating one to move a previous host into, I can make a deal and exchange said body for theirs."

This was weird, I mean sure I would love a second chance to be able to read again, I never did finish that one book.  But this is suspicious, I mean a god offering me some sort of chance that no one else accepted? What aren't they telling me that made them all say no?

They stare at me blankly with an almost too big smile on their face. They're waiting for something, looking for something. Some sort of reaction that they want. Do they want me to be scared? Excited? Surprised? I was snapped out of my thoughts when they finally spoke.

"So, Do you want a second chance?"

I reluctantly take their hand and shake it, no turning back now. I just hope I made the right decision. They seem oblivious to my nervousness as they talk, it seems too rehearsed, too planned. Like I just fell into some sort of trap.

"It's a deal then. Now a few things about your new body."

"Firstly, as I mentioned before your body won't be as frail as your old mortal one was. In short you will be immortal. Once you die you will be sent here for a new body and sent back out. Another part of what I mentioned includes regeneration, so for example if you were to be stabbed you wouldn't die, just be warned that when it comes to limbs they may grow back looking a bit strange to your standards."

WHAT. I was snapped out of my fear when I heard that. What the fuck. Also that last part was cryptic. What the hell do they mean "they may grow back looking a bit strange to your standards" I guess I better prepare for this kind of thing since I already made the deal.

"Second, a side effect of these sorts of things is that it scrambles up certain laws of universes due to the way I do things. In universes where there's magic for example there's a possibility you would suck it in, like some sort of magic sponge. In all universes things like gravity or physics may be off, for example unnatural strength,  which I've seen happen many times. There are few cases where neither of these happen and it's pretty common that in a place where both are possible, both will happen."

Could this get any more complicated? I just wanted to be able to read shit and this happens. This is like mary sue bs and I just KNOW that whatever levels it out is gonna be absolutely terrible to deal with. God can I not just have  an average random ass middle class life instead of this, is that really too much to ask.

And even worse, who the hell would believe me if I said anything??? I'd be tossed in a mental hospital or worse experimented on by the god damn government. And how would living forever even work??? Would I eventually just be floating around in space until the universe collapsed??? God I am absolutely fucked.

With that they walked off, mentioning making a few adjustments and preparations. I sat back down spacing out after awhile thinking of the possibilities. When they came back they barely gave me a useless warning before a portal popped up under me and I fucking dropped.

I landed on some random ass bed, deciding that I did not want to get kidnapped I got up and was about to open the door when I saw a sticky note on it. I snatched it and hoped it wouldn't leave a mark on the door. 

"Before you panic, this is what I was preparing. Someone else used to live here so there are a few things lying around. Yes they are alive. Don't question why you don't have rent because I won't explain."

Wow, totally not suspicious at all. Whatever, as long as I'm fine and they're not dead I couldn't care less. Wandering around the small apartment I see that it's a decent enough size with one bedroom, a bathroom, a small living room and a kitchen. Some people would probably call it plain an shabby but it looks like it's not infested and nothing's broken so I don't mind it.

After checking around the house I laid back down on the bed. First take a nap, then check the area outside the house.

(A/N HOLY SHIT THAT WAS A LONG ONE. And as mentioned they will be nerfed forcibly I promise. Also sorry for the lack of actual lmk universe content, I didn't want to rush the beginning like I have in other fics as it didn't end well and I lost interest in them.(this was on another account so you won't be able to find them) Have a good day y'all)