Love isn't a chemical. (Rick x O.C.) (Rick and Morty fanfic) [Hold/maybe ended]

Twenty-two

"Hey, listen, is your mouth tiny and small? Then why don't you come to Lil' Bits..."

"Lil' Bits!"

"Where the food is tiny. It looks like regular food, but really tiny. You can put it in your mouth and eat it. Nothing gets stuck in your lips. It's just tiny and tiny and fits right- fits right in."

"Lil Bits!"

"We got tiny lasagna, tiny pizza, tiny pie. Mmm! Little, tiny fried eggs. Oh, shit! We got tiny people. Come on down!"

"Lil' Bits!"

"Eat some fucking shit, you fucking stupid bitch." The owner chuckled. "Just kidding."

"I can only imagine how his business is after that commercial," Lily said, crossing her arms. Rick looked at her behind Summer and Morty.

"Wanna find out?" Rick smirked. Lily rolled her eyes playfully. Rick changed the channel.

"It's the Opposite News with Michael Thompson!" An announcer said.

"Hey, everybody, it's me, Michael Thompson. Today, the Pope didn't get killed. He's perfectly fine. And he's on vacation in Aruba. In other news, information..."

"Hey, Rick, what's the deal with this guy? W-Why is his body, like, sloping off to the right side of the screen like that?" Morty asked.

"I don't know, Morty. See what else is on, huh?" Rick changed the channel. Suddenly, it changed to a cooking show.

"Hey, welcome to "Cooking Things." I'm Pichael Thompson," A man with a chef's hat said.

"Wait a minute, Rick. This guy's body is, like, sloping down and leaning off screen left," Morty pointed out.

"Oh, my god, and his name's Pichael," Rick said, a bit confused.

"I'm cooking a little bit of this. I'm cooking a little bit of that. Oh, oh, hey!" Pichael look frustrated and pulled someone over. The man from the other channel. "Stop tugging, Michael!"

"Oh, my god. Siamese twins," Morty said, pointing to the TV. "They're-They're Siamese twins!"

"You quit tugging. I-I'm in the middle of my news," Michael said.

"Oh, oh, it's always about you, isn't it? Can you believe this guy, ladies and gentlemen?" Pichael asked the camera. "He's got his own news show. He's got a normal name."

"Hey, flip back to the news," Lily said.

"Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah." Rick flipped the channel back to the news.

"You could tell our parents started with naming with him. It's like 'Oh, Michael!'" The news camera moved back to show both sets. "They had that planned before they even got pregnant, I bet."

"I don't want to be that girl. But maybe there would be less conflict if they didn't shoot their shows at the same time," Summer said.

"Oh, Summer, you have no idea how much money that saves production," Lily said, sipping from her flask.

"And then found I was attached along for the ride and they said, "Ah, shit. Well, just fuck it, call him 'Pichael.'" Michael threw his papers at his brother.

"Fuck you, Pichael. You're a piece of shit."

"Talk about sibling rivalry," Lily said, tucking her flask away. Rick changed the channel.

"Today on "How They Do It"... Plumbuses," They heard the narrator say. "Everyone has a Plumbus in their home. First, they take the dinglebop, and they smooth it out with a bunch of schleem. The schleem is then refurbished for later batches. They take the dinglebop, and they push throught the grumbo, where the fleeb is rubbed against it. It's important that the fleeb is rubbed because the fleeb has all the fleeb juice. Then a Schlami shows up, and he rubs it and spits on it. They cut the fleeb. There's several hizards in the way. The blamfs rub against the chumbles. And the ploobis and grumbo are shoved away. That leaves you with a regular, old, Plumbus."