Love isn't a chemical. (Rick x O.C.) (Rick and Morty fanfic) [Hold/maybe ended]

Four

Morty was getting frustrated with his grandparents heckling his adventure. 

"Okay, you know what, if this was a story, this part wouldn't be in it, stupids." Morty said.

"Excuse me?" Lily asked, crossing her arms. Morty chuckled nervously and noticed something.

"Hey, w-w-would you look over there! Looks like a tavern or something built right into the side of the step." Morty said, smirking. Lily rolled her eyes. They walked in and Morty got really excited.

"Oh wow! Now this is more like it! Look, they have staircase shaped people." Morty pointed for his grandparents to look but they had a bored expression on their face. "All kinds of crazy characters. This place is great, y'know? It's whimsical and fun." Rick noticed one of the stair people staring intently at Lily and it made him mad.

"What are you looking at, motherfucker?" He slammed his hands down on the table. Lily grabbed his hand and dragged him off.

"Easy, Rick..." She said gently. They slid into one side of the booth while Morty sat across from them. Their waitress walked up and she had huge knockers. 

"Pay them no mind. Those stair goblins can be moody. Now, uh, what can I get you?" The waitress asked. "We've got Scarlot Poppies, Furlough, Halzingers, Bulgies, Juicy Time Babies-" 

"Yeah yeah yeah yeah, how about some scotch whiskey? Got any of that?" Rick interrupted.

"Or a bunch of nonsense words?" Lily said with her arms crossed. Morty face palmed.

"Guys... We'll take three Bulgies and uh we were wondering, is there a faster way three heroes can get down these stairs?" Morty asked. A slug person behind Morty lifted his head up. 

"Y'all need a ride down the stairs? My name is Slippery- Slippery Stairs." He slid out of his booth. "I can take y'all for 25 schmeckles."

"25 schmeckles?" The scientists asked in unison.

"I-I-I don't know how much that is. Is it a lot? Is it a little?" Rick asked.

"Well, that's how much I spent on my big fake boobies." The waitress said, shaking them a little bit. A serpent type person popped up from no where.

"Hi, I'm Mr. Booby-buyer. I'll buy those boobs for 25 schmeckles." He started to drool.

"It's a tempting offer but I'm going to have to decline." The waitress walked away. The serpent snapped his fingers.

"Darn. What a shame!" He looked at Lily. "I'll buy those for 20."

"Get the hell away from here, motherfucker." Rick growled, glaring. The serpent thing ran off.

"Morty, your adventure is in a spiral." Lily said, getting a little worried and uncomfortable.

"For real, man. Time to pull out." Rick finished for her.

"You guys keep heckling my adventure. You know why?" Morty asked.

"Uh, because it's lame." Rick answered before Lily could respond.

"It's because you're petty! You know? H-How many times have I followed you into some nonsensical bullcrap. I always roll with the punches, Rick. Why can't you?" Morty asked as he got up. "Look, I got to take a leak. By the time I get back and you two haven't learned how to liven up, don't be here." Morty walked away. Lily climbed over rick and caught up with her grandson.

"Morty, wait." Morty stopped and looked at her. 

"Yes, Grandma?" Lily smiled, loving the sound of it. She handed Morty a purple chrome knife. Morty looked at her in confusion.