assigned emotion

25: violet

tanner

Tanner woke before Theo, again. He was pleased to see he'd been able to sleep another four hours, but it worried him that Theo was sleeping so much. Nevertheless, he held him close and let him rest.

Eventually, his mind began to race again. Tanner thought of Theo's face, turning to him, tear stained, about to leap from the roof. The feeling of him shaking in his arms- and vice versa. Without even realizing it, he was crying again. His shaking must have woken Theo- before he knew it, his eyes were blinking open.

"Tanner?" He asked, his voice soft. "What... what's wrong?"

"Nothing, it's fine," he whispered, pressing a kiss on top of Theo's head. "It's fine. Go back to sleep."

"No- wait- no, Tanner, what's wrong?" Theo asked, pushing away from him to study his face.

"Theo, it's nothing," Tanner whispered, avoiding his eyes.

"Tanner..." Theo started, voice cracking. "Oh, Tanner," he whispered, brushing tears off his cheeks. His hands were shaking, a lot. "I'm sorry," he said, his voice hushed and quiet. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he cried, his voice cracked and breaking. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he sobbed, still rubbing invisible tears off Tanner's cheeks. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry-"

"Theo! Theo, baby, it's okay!" Tanner cried, shocked to see Theo completely breaking down before him. "Baby, shh, it's okay," he whispered, wrapping his arms around him. "Shh, love."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Theo continued to hiccup, burying his face in his hands. "I'm so sorry, Tanner, I'm sorry, I'm sorry-"

"Shh, baby. It's okay, it's okay," Tanner cooed, pulling Theo against him. "It's okay. I've got you now. It's okay," he whispered, cradling him to his chest. "I'm okay. You're okay. We're okay, okay?" He asked with a soft laugh.

"Okay. Okay," Theo whispered, still shaking. "Okay."

...

The day has passed incredibly quickly, while Theo and Tanner both did mainly nothing. They lounged about, watched a movie, held each other, cried- the usual. Until, however, Violet showed up.

Tanner snapped awake at the sound of the doorbell. He realized he'd fallen asleep on the couch, next to Theo. He stood up, careful to not disturb Theo, absentmindedly recognizing that he was knocked out- again.

"Hey." He opened the door, rubbing his eyes to see Violet standing before him. She angrily crossed her arms and pushed him to the side, letting herself in.

"What the fuck, Tanner?" Tanner held his finger to his lips, shushing her. He gestured to Theo, sound asleep on the couch. "Okay, explain."

"Explain what?" He led her to the counter and sat across from her, confusion apparent in his expression.

"Why you weren't answering any of my DMs, for one! You get all nervous in math, looking for Theo, saying that he might hurt himself, then leave? Dude, you got me so scared!" Tanner shook his head, surprised.

"I didn't even realize you cared." She punched his arm lightly.

"Of course I do! I don't want either of you two idiots getting hurt."

"How'd you even get here?" He asked, changing the subject. Tanner wasn't sure if Theo would be comfortable with him telling her about what he did. She laughed awkwardly.

"I checked the Snap Map and it said you were here. I asked the lady at the desk which apartment you lived in, and she told me," she answered with a casual shrug. Tanner snorted, alarmed.

"Violet, that's terrifying. She's not even supposed to give out people's apartment numbers," he mumbled as Violet rolled her eyes.

"If you had answered your DMs I wouldn't have had to track you down! Now tell me what happened."

"I tried to kill myself," Theo answered for him, sitting up on the couch. His hair was a mess and his glasses were crooked, it was clear he hadn't meant to fall asleep.

"Oh," Violet shortly said, her expression falling blank. "Shit."

"I didn't know you were awake," Tanner muttered, worried Theo would be mad at him.

"It's fine," he said, reading Tanner's look. "I'm going back to sleep. You can fill her in." With that, he rolled onto his side and pulled the blanket over his head.

"Okay," Tanner mumbled, still staring at Theo's hidden form. "Uh, let's go to my room. I don't wanna wake him."

"Okay," Violet answered, following him down the hall to his bedroom. It was a mess, so he sat on the bed and let her take the chair. "So," she mumbled, staring at her feet.

"So," he repeated, rubbing the back of his neck. She looked up at him, uncertainty clear on her face.

"Tanner, what happened?" She gently asked, anxiety filling her gaze.

"A lot," he whispered in reply. "Fuck, I was right. He..." Tanner trailed off, glancing down at his feet. "Thank god I left class when I did," he whispered, more to himself than to Violet. "He was gonna jump off of the roof deck, right here. Violet, what if I had stayed in class?" He held his head in his hands, feeling tears coming once more. "I talked him out of it, and then I kissed him. Again. God, I feel so dirty for doing that. Fuck. We kept talking about it until he decided we should go to the hospital. We waited there for, like, seven hours, and when they finally saw us, they decided to send us home. It's all so fucked up. I just- I don't know. I don't know, Violet," he cried, trailing off. "I convinced him that he should stay home today and we talked a bit more. Then we fell asleep again. I just- I feel so dumb," Tanner finished, glancing up at Violet.

           "Thank god you saved him, Tanner. I.. I can't believe that he would really try and hurt himself like that." They both stared sadly at each other, clearly lost in thought. "Well, that's that I guess," she murmured, staring down at her hands. "Fuck."

"Fuck," Tanner replied, fiddling with his thumbs. "I'm just so worried about him. Today I'll go down the list of references for therapists they gave us. They better give him one. They have to," he muttered to himself.

"Alright. I won't keep you from it, I just wanted to check in on you two. I'm glad you're both okay," she said, smiling sadly and patting Tanner's knee. "I'm really glad you saved him, Tanner," she whispered. "I'll see you soon."