assigned emotion

15: chats and the elevator

theo

Tanner sighed and ran the back of his hand over his eyes, a sign he was upset.

           "You just... you blame everything bad on yourself. I hate it, it's never your fault. You always try to comfort other people but never yourself. I just... I wish you could see that good comes with you, not bad. Just... could you blame the good parts on yourself, you know? I don't know. I'm not making sense." Tanner laughed coldly, his nose twitching slightly. "Fuck, you... you attempted suicide. Oh, Theo," he said as he hid his face.

             "I'm.. I don't know..." Theo felt the weight of his words crushing him, the truth in how clear he was about his self hatred. "I'm sorry. You... you shouldn't have to put up with that stuff. I'm sorry," he mumbled, holding back tears.

             "Theo, I'm not saying this to upset you. I'm trying to show you that you matter. I'm just, I'm really bad with words. I'm just trying to say that there's nothing wrong with you, Theo. It's not your fault." The tears Theo had been holding back broke through, a soft sob escaping them as he hid his face in his hands. "Oh, Theo," Tanner repeated, pulling him into his arms. "You know I'm gonna always be here for you, right?" Tanner whispered into his head. He reached his hand down to stroke his back, sighing softly.

             "I dunno," Theo whispered, causing Tanner to sigh again.

             "Of course. You're stuck with me, Theo," he mumbled as Theo pressed his face harder into his chest. "I don't see you the way you see yourself."

             "I just- I don't get it. You're 'popular' and interesting, you've got cool friends, you just... you're so much better than me. I don't understand why you insist on being around me. I don't get it." Tanner pulled away from Theo, holding his shoulders firmly.

            "I don't care. I don't care what you think about yourself. I care about you, Theo. You've got some deluded idea of yourself, but it's just not true. I don't know how to help you, I just..." he trailed off, eyes sinking to his hands on Theo's shoulders. "I want you to see yourself the way I see you."

|||

Theo sat comfortably in the front seat of the car, staring out the windshield. He sipped the coffee Tanner bought him, he'd somehow guessed the type he liked. A slight autumn chill had swept around earlier that morning so Theo was warm beneath a blanket Tanner had stowed in his car.

          "Comfy?" Tanner shot him a glance and laughed.

          "Very." Theo was pretty exhausted, he hadn't gotten much sleep the night before. Sometimes, his anxiety just wouldn't leave him alone.

            "You look sleepy." Theo nodded, leaning on the center console of the car. Tanner smiled down at him, playing with his hair. "Go to sleep, we'll be home soon."

|||

              "Hey, Theo?" Theo blinked open his eyes to Tanner gently rubbing his cheek. "We're home."

           "Home?" Theo sat up, rubbing his eyes and staring around.

           "Yeah." It clicked in his head that Tanner had just called his apartment their home.

           "You okay? You fell asleep real fast." Tanner guided Theo to the elevator with both of their backpacks from the trip.

           "I don't know." Theo stared at his feet, unnecessarily sad.

             "I'll always be here, don't ever forget that." Tanner grabbed Theo's hand in one of his and brushed away a chunk of his hair with the other.

          "Okay," whispered Theo gratefully, half-smiling. Tanner dragged him along to his apartment by his hand, laughing quietly. Once inside, Theo collapsed at the counter. He stared at his hands, the strange sadness returning.

"Come here, you." Tanner opened his arms, wrapping Theo in a hug. "It's gonna be okay, I promise."

"Are you sure?" Theo tried to hold back tears, he'd cried too much recently, melting into Tanner's embrace.

"I'm sure. Everything's gonna work out for you, green eyes, because you deserve better than this. You're a good person and even good people get sad sometimes. I'm gonna protect you, just let me deal with it all."

|||

"You almost ready to go?" Tanner stood by the door, arms crossed with a slight grin on his face.

"Almost." Theo did not want to go to school, but he didn't really have a choice. He'd already missed more than a week and had only been at the stupid school for a month. The night before had been uneventful, Theo basically just fell asleep the second they got inside.

"Come on, it's gonna be a good day." Tanner grabbed his hand, guiding him to the elevator.

"You sure?" The elevator doors closed, they were the only ones inside.

"I'm definite." Tanner gently placed his hand on Theo's cheek, smiling at him softly. The elevator doors slid open and a teenage girl stepped in. Tanner scrambled away from Theo, a light blush tickling his cheeks.

"Sorry, was I interrupting something?" The girl has a light British accent and cracked her knuckles awkwardly.

"It's okay." Tanner grinned at Theo mischievously, crossing back across the elevator and grabbing his hands. Theo stared at him, surprised.

"You guys are a cute couple," says the girl with a smile and nod.

"Oh, uh, w-" Theo started to correct her but Tanner quickly interrupted him, wrapping one arm around his waist and using his other hand to tilt his chin up towards him.

"I'd agree." He stifled a laugh, running his fingers through Theo's hair. The girl nodded again and steps off the elevator, the doors shutting behind her. Tanner bursted out laughing, pressing his nose against Theo's. "That was interesting."

"What was that?" Theo felt his cheeks darken, blushing furiously.

"What do you mean?" Tanner ran his thumb down Theo's jawline.

"Wha... you..." Theo squirmed slightly, confused and uncomfortable.

"Oh, relax, I was just messing with her." Tanner grinned once more, biting his lip slightly. He released Theo, backing up and blushing ever so slightly.

Messing with her and my fucking feelings, you asshole.