assigned emotion

17: heat of the moment

tanner

Theo sat in the carseat next to Tanner, staring out the window with tears spilling down his cheeks. He held his knees to his chest, shoulders pressed firmly into them.

"Can we please talk?" Tanner had never hated himself more. Seeing Theo like that, knowing it was his fault?

"Fine. When we get to your house, so I can get my shit and leave." Tanner punched the steering wheel, holding back tears.

"You can't leave." They pulled up to the building, Theo jumping out of the car.

"What, you've kidnapped me now?" His words were slurred by tears. "Why do you even care about me? You just about called me a freak." Pain flashed across his face, more tears spilling from his eyes. "I thought- I thought you cared, you asshole, you-" he cut himself off, spinning around and clearly holding back a sob.

"Please..." Tanner let the tears escape him, falling down his cheeks.

"Fuck you." Theo dashed into the building and got inside the elevator, Tanner making it in right behind him.

"Stop. Please don't cry, I didn't mean what I said," Tanner said as he reached out for Theo, wishing to brush away his tears.

"Then why'd you say it?" Theo dodged his hand, fear lighting up his teary eyes.

"Don't be afraid, you know I'd never hurt you!" Tanner felt tears explode down his face, completely sobbing now.

"Do I? Can I even trust you at all?" The elevator doors slid open, Theo ducking away from Tanner.

"Theo, stop!" He followed him into his apartment, watching as he hurriedly threw his clothes into a bag, a pang of sorrow shooting through him as he noticed how little he had. Did I just ruin everything?

"Stop it, Tanner. Don't worry about it, I'm leaving. You don't ever have to look at me again."

"I don't want that! Where will you go?" Theo threw his last shirt into his backpack, rubbing away his tears with the back of his hand.

"Anywhere but here." In a last resort, Tanner dove in front of him.

"You'll get hurt! I can't let that happen." Theo rolled his beautiful eyes.

"Tanner, why don't you understand? Fuck, you hurt me! I trusted you, I.. never mind. You hurt me, Walsh," he spat, balling his hands into fists. Tanner felt the world start to spin. He fell to his feet, holding his head in his hands.

"Theo.. I'm so sorry. I never EVER wanted to hurt you! I should've never nodded and agreed to what he said. I'm so, so, sorry- I can't lose you." Theo rolled his eyes, trying to push by him and slip out the door. Out the door to God knows where, some place Tanner may never see him again. I won't let that happen.

"Why are you lying to me?" Theo cried as he swallowed back more tears.

"I'm not lying, I'd never lie to you!" Tanner jumped to his feet angrily, taking a step towards Theo.

"You lied to me about your feelings." Theo took a nervous step back. "You smiled and hugged me, made me feel wanted, you didn't even care."

"You're the only person I care about, Theo!" Tanner walked slowly towards him as Theo backed away.

            "Liar," he whispered, covering his ears. He continues avoiding Tanner until he was, literally, backed into a corner, pressed against the wall.

         "I'm telling the truth. I fucked up at lunch, I shouldn't have nodded to that shit." Anger and pain flashed through Theo's nervous eyes.

            "Then why did you? Why do you still hang out with them? You say you hate them and all they do is make fun of people, like me, but you're with them every day! Do they know anything about you? Do they know you like I do?" Tanner punched the wall with one hand and gently pressed Theo's shoulder against the other side of the wall with the other.

            "Because they're the only people who'd put up with me! They're as terrible as I am! You're.. you're different."

          "I would've put up with you, Tanner! Fuck, that's all I want!" He sobbed, pushing his chest. "Just let me leave." Tanner pinned Theo against the wall, moving one of his hands to the back of his head.

           "Never. Fuck, you think this is easy? You think I like dealing with those people? You think being 'popular' is some easy ride? Fuck, is that what you think?" Anger filled Theo's eyes and Tanner's heart.

          "Easier than being hated for existing." Tanner pulled Theo's head back by his hair, forcing him to look into his eyes.

           "You think it's easy? You..." Tanner trailed off, gazing into Theo's fearful eyes. "You.. who.. I.." guilt filled his chest as a tear slipped from Theo's eye. He watched it drip down his soft face, falling to the floor. "Theo... you..." emotion surged through Tanner like a heavy wave. He gazed into Theo's eyes once more, then pulled his face to his.

Tanner kissed him.