assigned emotion

3: return of the missing

tanner

A sense of odd relief set in on Tanner as Theo walked through the school's doors. He hadn't been in school for a full week, the reason for such was withheld. Kids around had been discussing his absence- a new kid shows up, starts a 'fight' with the Tanner Walsh, and dissappears. However, Tanner's relief dissipated as he surveys Theo. Instead of his normal outfits- loose button ups, jeans, chains,- Theo wore a big hoodie and sweatpants. His evergreen eyes looked faded and sunken into lengthy purple eye bags. Anxiety nipped at Tanner. He knew that this was his fault.

"Theo, what the fuck happened? You look like shit! Where have you been for the past week?" Theo glanced up at Tanner, a lost expression on his face.

"Like you care," he mumbled, continuing down the hall to his locker.

"I never said I did." Theo quickly put in his pin then smacked himself in the forehead. Hard.

"Fuck, I forgot my bag," he murmured to himself. His voice sounds so soft. Tanner looked at him like he was insane. How do you forget your backpack??

"Just have your parents drop it off or something." Theo's eyes darted up and met his, slowly filling with tears.

"I fucking wish I could." He turned away, marching down the hallway as quickly as he could.

"Theo, wait!" Theo turned into a classroom, disappearing from Tanner's sight.

What the fuck is going on?

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Throughout his next class, Tanner couldn't stop worrying. He didn't like Theo, but he hated knowing he hurt someone. He'd thought that Theo wasn't pissed about their 'fight', but clearly he was. Either that, or something far worse happened. Tanner didn't know which one he feared more.

Once class was dismissed, he shot out into the hall, scanning for Theo. Finally, he spotted him. Somehow, he looked even worse.

"Theo, what's wrong with you?" Tanner caught Theo by his elbow and pulled him into an empty classroom. "You don't seem like yourself," he said, closing the door softly.

"Why do you even care?"

  "I don't, but the principal was wondering why I'm not doing a good job. I have to act like I am, or he'll give you a different student helper." He was completely bluffing. The lie didn't even make sense! In reality, he just wanted to rid himself of his guilt. He hated feeling bad.

"Wouldn't that be just perfect for you, Tanner? You hate me," Theo hissed, anger melting into pain as his voice cracked on 'hate'. "Why does everyone hate me?" He murmured, so quietly that Tanner almost didn't hear.

"Theo, I don't hate you, I just don't like you. At all."

"Thanks," snapped Theo sarcastically, moving towards the door. Tanner slipped in front of it, gently pushing him away. "Tanner, let me out."

"Not 'til you tell me what's going on. You missed school for a week, Theo."

"Let me out!" Theo pulled at the doorknob but Tanner's weight kept the door shut. "Let. Me. Go!" He cried, pulling on the door to no avail. Then, something seemed to break in him. Theo melted to the floor, tears leaking down his face.

"Theo, are you okay?" Tanner sat across from him, genuinely confused and guilty at his sudden tears.

"No," he sobbed, hiding his face in his knees. "I haven't slept in three days, I don't wanna move anymore, fuck, I don't even have a home." He held his hands over his head, shaking like a tightly gripped leaf
in the wind. Soft sobs escaped him, and Tanner suddenly realized that something was seriously wrong, something far beyond anything that he could've done.

"Okay, what the fuck is going on?" Theo shook his head, rubbing away his tears.

"I don't even get to feel bad for myself, it's all my fault, my stupid fault," he moaned, hiccuping through tears.

"What's your fault? What do you mean you don't have a home?"

"Never mind," Theo snapped, wiping away his still-coming tears and shakily, but quickly, standing up. He raced out of the classroom and into the hall before Tanner could stop him. He was only able to watch, appalled.

What in the actual FUCK?

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"Theo, come with me, now." Tanner grabbed Theo's sweatshirt sleeve, glaring at him. He had watched him sit alone at lunch again, not eating, for a solid 15 minutes before standing up to talk to him. Tanner just couldn't let himself keep guiltily staring.

"Please go away." His voice, usually cheery or sarcastic, now sounded lost, raspy, tired.

"No. Get up." Theo stood on wobbly legs, staring at the floor. "Come with me, okay?" Subconsciously, he spoke to him gently. Just like he did with her. Don't think about her.

"Okay," he whispered, eyes completely unfocused. "Where... why?" Tanner drags him by his hoodie sleeve to the bathroom.

"Sit down and tell me exactly what is going on." Theo sits, staring distantly at Tanner. "Theo! What's wrong?"

"Nothing." Tanner sighed, squeezing his head with his palms.

"I'm not good at talking to people, especially when I don't like them, so please just tell me what's going on."

"Nothing. I'm fine," he repeated. Tanner gestured at him vaguely.

"You think I'm stupid? You're not fine. Everyday you've worn complex, ridiculous outfits, today a hoodie and sweatpants? You look like you haven't slept in days, which you literally confirmed. You also said you don't have a home and started crying earlier. What. Is. Wrong?"

"I don't wanna talk about it." Theo's head rested on his knees that he hugged to his chest.

"Did... did I do something?" Theo looked at him once and laughed quietly, coldly.

"I wish."

"Then tell me!" Tanner jumped to his feet, confusion nearly becoming anger. "What is wrong with you? You're stressing me out!"

"Everything's my fault."

"What's your fault, Theo?" Tanner tried to make his voice and gentle and comforting as possible, hiding his exasperation.

"Tanner..." he stared up at him with his big pine-colored eyes. "I killed my parents."