I'll Be Yours Forever: RJ Caswen Oneshots

Letters to EJ (Entry eight)

August 16 2019

GiNi and Ashley dragged me to a party today. And I'm highly aware that you were there so I was so nervous.

The three of them have been dragging me outside of the house for the whole week, including Big Red but he couldn't come today because he's in charge of the pizzeria.

But the three of them left me with some guy named Jack, i don't really see him at school be he seems cool. We talked for a bit and found out he's new here and about to go to East High next week. Maybe he and i could be friends.

I also took my first sip of alcohol today, not because he forced me. I want to.

It doesn't really taste that bad but i won't be doing this often for sure. 

About a couple of drinks I'm already drunk and i just realized that i was dancing stupidly in center but i don't mind, they're to drunk to remember this anyway.

I was about to go and find the girls when i bumped in to you.

"Hey EJ" I said smiling stupidly.

"Uh Hi Ricky?" You said confused "Are you drunk?"

"What? Who's drunk? I'm nOot" I said as i try to keep my balance also holding a cup.

But no matter how hard i try to act tough i always fuck up.

Because now i was on the floor. Lying

"Okay that's enough Ricky, Let me take you home" You said as you try to take the cup away from me.

"NoOo! I need to drive the girls back home" I said still trying to stand up.

"I took them home hours ago, they said they couldn't find you and they were also wasted as fuck" You said as you help me on the way out.

"Oh"

You and i both walked in to the car and i sat next on the passenger's seat.

"How are you gonna get home if you're driving my car?" I asked.

"I'm gonna take a uber" You said as you continued your eyes on the road giving me quick glimpse.

I can see you smile a bit. The smile i missed seeing so much. 

I turned the music on and The Way I Loved You by Taylor Swift started playing

We both looked at each other because we both know how much we love this song so much and how we always bang our heads on it.

But i can't bang my head now because it fucking hurts.

Instead i just scream all the lyrics while you look at me laughing.

But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain
And it's 2:00 a.m. and I'm cursing your name
So in love that you act insane
And that's the way I loved you

Breakin' down and coming undone

It's a roller coaster kinda rushAnd I never knew I could feel that muchAnd that's the way I loved you

We both reached my house a few minutes later. You helped me remove my seatbelt and that's the closest i got to you ever since.. i tried to kiss you.

We both stayed at the car for a few minutes before i start to do something stupid.

"You know what? I fucking missed you EJ" I said looking at you.

"You know how miserable i am that you walked away from me? I was a mess!" 

"Ricky, its-" 

"Shh i'm not done yet"

"I missed everything about you. Why did you have to leave like that? You could've just told me you weren't into me or hate me instead."

"I tried talking to you for MONTHS, and now i have the opportunity i want to say i'm so sorry for liking you. But can you please not walk away from me? I need you." I said now crying looking at you.

You were looking at me as tears fell into your eyes. You're not saying anything and i don't wanna hear it too because you'll probably hate me now.

I was expecting a shit show of you saying you fucking hate me or something and i don't wanna hear it so i quickly went out of the car and ran straight to my room and fell asleep crying.

I never heard from you after that. We always walk into each other but you never looked at me again. I was so stupid for doing that but it feels so good to say those to you. And all of them are true. I missed you so much and i still liked you i think it grows each day and also dies everytime you ignore me.

I don't really know right now EJ. You confuse me alot.

-Ricky