TW: Self harm.
August 21 2019
dear ej-
three years down the drain, just like that.
all this time that i've been clean.
all this time that my arms have burned and itched and tingled with the need to cut, that i've ignored.
gone.
i grabbed my blade, and i drew it across my arm, and blood welled up in the neat slice i'd made in my skin, and it felt so good.
until it didn't, and the guilt from being three years clean then relapsing for no good reason came crashing down on me.
god, i'm such a fuck up.
if i don't feel guilty for cutting, i feel guilty for not cutting.
what if i'm just cutting for attention? because i want you to notice the cut on my arm, a recent addition to an old collection started on my twelfth birthday, and hold me close, and tell me i'll be okay?
why the hell do i feel like this?
what is wrong with me?
why do i feel empty inside?
i don't know.
i really, honestly don't know.
i wish there was someone who could give me the answers.
until then, i'm on my own, i guess.
that's nothing new.
-ricky
author's note: this chapter and topic is so sensitive to me, i felt like crying and extremely uncomfortable while writing this one so i'm sorry if it's not that good.
i'm giving a spoiler to y'all that this will last for like 20 - 25 chapters because 15 isn't enough i guess but we'll see
YOU ARE READING
I'll Be Yours Forever: RJ Caswen Oneshots
FanfictionMy 1st one shots book! I'm thinking about doing this since i always have this imaginations in my head that seems like one shots that i always wanted to write so here it go!
