my name is not love

game over

Epilogue
Game Over

    Three years. Three years have passed since Typo let me go, and within that timeframe everything became another set of roller coaster. I lost a lot of loved ones, I almost lost my sanity along the way and I couldn't even begin to think of how did I manage to survive all of those. 

    How am I still alive when everything just got worst? That's what I thought before. Especially after the Ideale Sister incident and being free from the Dazarencio Clan, I really imaged my life would be so much better. But it turns out, life isn't really a fairytale. 

    It's not because you finally got through shits means that you'll now finally have the peace of mind that you deserve. Sometimes suffering are indeed suffering and there are times that things wouldn't really get better. 

    Typo continued to rule his father's fraction and he's been doing it better, but after our partings, we seldomly tried to contact one another. For him to focus on his responsibility, and for me to pick up the pieces of the my shattered future. We just later found out that the Bloodshed Invitation that I found on Typo's room was just the Ideale Sister's scheme in order to trigger Typo to join. Although we now don't have any clues regarding their whereabouts but there were no news and crimes similar to this later. For a while the Yawaka City was murder and vengeance free. Even for a while. 

    Anyway, good thing because the Chrisostomo Clan, yes, Ivan's fathers, gave me a work to start a new and they even somewhat adopted/ comforted me on my hardest time. When my mother suddenly jumped off the bridged and when Orion… went to Canada. 

   During that time I was left alone with my bedridden father, and I really didn't know how to live my life from then on. I was put through so much pain that I myself just wanted to gave everything up. Because I feel like no matter how I strive to live, life will always find a way to make me suffer and I must call that a challenge, they said. 

   One of the thing that kept me in intact during those time was actually the preserverence of my younger self. The version of my self that I made out of the need to stive, that I ended up putting to sleep because the Bloodshed Tournament got closed and so I don't need it anymore. 

   The version of my self that Rui said I shouldn't throw away, because I might need it someday. And she was not wrong actually. I just revived the good parts and made it better. Although it didn't really work like a hundred percent but it was enough to keep me going. Not long enough and I saw Goddess Shunari's hand reaching out to me. 

   I thought this is another sceme of Ivan, trying to control my life but I was desperate so I held into it. Good thing because they didn't caged me. The Chrisostomo Household was so kind and generous. After giving me a job when I was at my lowest, they let me save my own money and give back to them and made me independent. 

   It's just funny that I used to dreamed of being a police woman, but here am I now, running a small business for knives and other weapons that doesn't necessarily need license in order to possess. This is just a starting point since I am still in college taking up business and management. Later, I'd also like to sell guns and other weapons, and even share my knowledge in order to teach young people to defend themselves.

   Aside from that, I've also received offers to star in theaters and indie films as the main antagonist. It actually became my branding since they said my face looks too good with madness and villainous intentions. Well, I didn't hate it actually, since I manage to get some money out of it. 

   "Damn, I can't believe a time will come that I'd see you smile like that again." 

     Agad akong nabalik sa reyalidad nang biglang magsalita si Markian sa tabi ko. Oo nga pala at hinatak ako ng isang 'to papunta sa pastilan na tinatambayan namin noong senior high school. 

    Birthday daw kasi kako ni Dennis at kailangan namin siyang i-surpirse. Siniko pa ako ng mokong saka bumulong. 

    "Magkikita ulit kayo ni Rui ha, at sana sa pagkakataong 'to wala nang iiyak."  

    Tinanguan ko lang ang pangangaral niya at hinintay ang iba pa naming mga kaibigan. Kasi sa totoo lang, rin sila sa mga dahilan kung bakit kahit napaka gago ng mundo ay nagagawa ko paring makatawa ng totoo. 

    Nang makarating ang lahat ay nagumpisa na nga silang magsi-ingayan at magbatuhan ng mga suhesyon. At sa kabila ng lahat ng mga mukha sa paligid ay hindi ko mapigilang mapalingon kay Rui. Nakaupo ito sa tabi ni Chenzo. 

    Pansamantalang nagtama ang paningin namin ngunit hindi katulad noong huli nalng pagkikita ay buong puso ko na siyang nginitan. 

    Hindi na ako umiyak. Ayoko nang umiyak. 

    Masyado akong maraming hinarap na hamon noong mga nakaraan kaya naman ay hindi ko naasikaso ang kung ano man ang mayroon kami. Nanatili parin kaming magkaibigan at hanggang ngayon ay payaso pa rin naman siya. 

   Minsan kong binalak na kausapin siya sa gitna ng mga delubyo ko sa buhay, at hanggang sa huli ay hindi naman nagbago ang sagot niya. Pero sa tingin ko ayos na rin siguro itong sitwasyon namin ngayon.

    After all, happy ending isn't always by pair. Sometimes, you gotta need to achieve it yourself first. Perhaps this time, it is still my time to make amends with all the versions of myself, even to those whom I thought I hated the most. Maybe this time, the happy ending that I'll just achieve isn't about in romantic relationship yet, but on how to love myself more.

    So I guess this is where it ends for now, with me finally making peace with my Manslaughterer version, and continue to set sail towards this unpredictable wave called life while loving every name that I got along the way.

    I was once called Satan, a devil, a monster and a villain, but some also called me as the greatest thing that happened in their lives. Thus, no matter what story and names you've heard I was, I'd suggest to simply believe it.

   Why? Because they deserve it.

   And if you're asking if I still write, the answer is nope. Right now I'm still currently living. Trying and trying to stay alive so that I can have something to write. Maybe someday I can write again and it wouldn't be about my wrath anymore. 

    I hope someday I can write again and it'll finally be what love is really like.