Closer to You (DISCONTINUED)

22. Chuuya

I came back to the room late that night. A certain feeling of dread rose in me when I unlocked the door and reached to push it open. I had a feeling that Dazai would be waiting for me when I opened that door, to convince me id his intentions. I couldn't trust him anymore, and I didn't.

But I thought that if I saw those eyes I loved so dearly glittering with pain I'd break in an instant.

I thought all of those years that I knew Dazai. He was so extraordinarily cunning, but I could read him and his plans like an open book. He was a mysterious figure, but I understood everything about him. He could be uncaring to some, but he truly cared for those he loved. And he loved me.

      But I don't think that's true anymore. It probably never was. I was merely one of his many pawns, and I needed to believe he loved me to suit his purposes. Right?

      I pushed the door open. There he was, staring at the door. He perked slightly when I stepped in and shut the door behind me. "Chuuya-"

      He paused when I shot him a sharp glare. "What?"

      "No tricks. I promise."

      I stared at him for a moment. As if his promises meant anything to me after he ghosted me in the middle of the night.

      "Chuuya, please... I want you to trust me again, what can I do to prove that?" Ah, there it was. That beautiful face, tainted by pain as his eyes filled with tears. It made me freeze up while the emotions I picked out of his face began to come over me in harsh waves. Like I was stranded at sea during a thunderstorm, thrown around by the cascading waves. But the experience wielded no exhilaration. No adrenaline rush that I had come to crave. It just hurt.

       No... The tears began to spill down his cheeks as I stood, trying to become accustomed to the wild swirl of emotions I felt for the first time in years.

      "Osamu, don't- don't cry..." A stinging feeling lingered at my eyes as I tried to keep myself together. I wanted to break so bad. I wanted to cry and hold him and tell him it could work again.

       But I knew my answer. "I can't, Osamu, I just-!"

       "Chuuya-"

       "No... no! I'm not letting you do this to me again!" I paused for a moment as a choking sob pushed its way through."After this is over everything is going back to normal, got it?"

"Please, Chuuya, please!" I scoffed and turned away, attempting frantically to find a space I could escape to. I jerked my hand and let out a furious hiss when he grabbed my wrist and turned me back around. The tears continued to flow freely down his face, and when I blinked some of my own began to fall. "Hear me out!"

"No, get off! If you're lucky and I change my mind I'll let you know, okay?"

His grip on me began to loosen, and he gave a slight nod. I took another shaky breath and spoke again. "Let's just not talk about it. I've made up my mind as of now."

He let go of my wrist with a weak nod.

"I'm just going to sleep." I walked around with a weary sigh, exhaustion taking over my body after the emotions faded and plopped down onto the mattress. Dazai shut the lights off with a soft click and the quiet sound of the sheets and blankets rustling continued until he had settled down.

"Chuuya?" His nervous voice rang through the silence. "Can I... can I hold your hand?"

"Did you hear nothing I just said?"

"You said nothing about us being enemies for as long as this trip lasts."

"Tch..." I felt around the sheets until my hand brushed his. I gripped onto it and pulled his hand closer to me. A grateful sigh escaped Dazai's lips as my grip loosened slightly, pressing my palm gently into his. "Smart bastard."

"Good night."

"...Night."

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A/N

HI HELLO school started now, a bit of a later update than i expected
my brain is getting used to school again so usually i am just tired and ive been given plenty of home work so yeah, not a lot of free time for me but ive been trying to check and write as much as time and my adhd permits lol
im also lowkey hyperfixating on omori rn so that's taking up some of my time
anyway bye for now!