Closer to You (DISCONTINUED)

24. Atsushi

The little circle slid over and clattered into Akutagawa's goal. He heaved a long sigh as lights flared from the machine. The little girl remained victorious.

I wanted to laugh at him about how many times the little girl had kicked his ass, but I couldn't bring myself to. He had been nothing but nice to the girl. He was patient and gentle, and if I hadn't known better, I'd have thought him any regular person.

A part of me wanted to dismiss this new side of him, but most of me felt hope that after all, Akutagawa wasn't as pure evil as I'd known him before. It made it all the easier to get along. But I felt suspicious, like sooner or later I would come to regret letting my guard down.  But what would have become of me if the agency had never given me a chance, if they'd put no faith that I can become useful? Would I have ended up just like him?

The thought of being like him sent a thrill of disgust through me, as it'd always done. But it eventually began to melt away into something new. Something... kinder, more empathetic. He has reasons to his actions I'd never thought of before. I wanted to know his reasons, I realized. I wanted to hear him out. I wanted for the idea that he could give himself a new start just like I had.

He only turned towards her and spoke without malice. "You're far too advanced to play against me. How about we try something else?"

"Yeah! Over there!" I followed as he was dragged off towards some sort of basketball game. "Better?"

"Yes, I feel my aim is quite good."

"Hehe, you better hope so, 'cause mine is too!"

I could tell Akutagawa was going light on her. As fun as it was to watch, it was time to get her safely back to her parents.

"Do you know where your parents are?" I asked once the game ended, in her favor.

"It's okay mister, they're just outside. But it's time to go..."

"It was a pleasure to meet you," Akutagawa said, crouching down to get on eye level.

She smiled, and to his surprise, threw her arms around his neck. "Thank you Mister Aku! Bye!"

She ran out with her tiger plushie, and I saw her stop in front of a couple and show them. I smiled absent mindedly before glancing over to Akutagawa.

"That-"

"Don't say a word."

I couldn't hold in a chuckle. He only glared at me. "But-"

"I will strangle you immediately if I have to, Jinko!"

"Alright... could I talk about it when we get back?"

"Tch... fine."

---

I stepped back into the room behind him. We'd killed some more time finding lunch and discovering an indoor pool.

We also made the discovery of a small shop, including souvenirs and a collection of books by local authors. The decision was made to stay in for the rest of the night, reading books and surviving off of snacks we bought from another shop. It reminded me of hungry nights at the orphanage, munching secretly on stolen snacks and reading by the light of the moon through the window.

According to Akutagawa, the Mafia's salary provides him with money he didn't know how to deal with, so he took it upon itself to pay for the both of us. This nice stuff was getting ridiculous. I figured that he must be broken, or an imposter, or maybe he fell off of his bed and landed on his head.

"Akutagawa? Am I allowed to talk about it now?"

He let out a sigh, laying his bags down onto his bed. "You'll find a time eventually, why should I delay?"

I tilted my head, but took it as a yes. "I was wondering... are you feeling okay?"

"What are you talking about?"

"No fever? Headaches?"

"No, do I seem ill?"

"Well, you were so nice today and you've been coughing a lot, so--"

He looked at me with narrowed eyes. "A lot of humidity is bad for my lungs. Also, being in the mafia doesn't make me immediately impolite."

I settled on my bed, giving it thought. I hummed and pulled out a bag of some snack I wanted to try. "Yeah, but you were nice. Like, nicer than most agency members. Is that new?"

Akutagawa stayed silent, presumably waiting until my bag stopped rustling. I tried a bite of the snack before nodding and putting the rest of the piece into my mouth, and chewed thoughtfully. "Wait, right! You're super nice to Dazai too, right? It's almost freaky..."

"And you think Dazai doesn't deserve such kindness?" He spat it out at me as a challenge. I put my hands up and quickly shook my head.

"No, no! Dazai's great, but why are you so kind?"

"I don't have to act the same in my personal life that I do at work." He looked at me with a slight scowl. "So what about you?"

"Well... maybe I'm not that kind. I do it cause, y'know, it's the only thing that makes me worth anything. It makes me feel good to see someone happy because of me."

"I remember. On the Moby Dick. I think you deserve to live, Atsushi."

"You mean it?"

"Yes."

He nodded to affirm himself, blinking his gray eyes at me. I let a sad smile slip onto my face.

"But you'll kill me whenever you get the chance... right?"

"I'm starting to think... maybe not."

I chuckled, letting my smile spread and reach my eyes. His face was unreadable, but I believed him.

"Yeah. I don't want you to die either."

"A reason to live... what do you propose that is?" He kept his eyes on me, the slightest hint of desperation in them. It surprised me to see even a glimpse of his weaker side.

"Well... maybe we can always be friends."

He looked up at the ceiling. His words were quiet.

"That may be a good idea, jinko."

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HAPPY NEW YEAR im so tired but i can't sleep  so i finished this chapter cause i came up with how it'd end finally! it's currently 2am in my time zone
hopefully you all had a good holiday season
school is currently about to start back up soon, but im going to outline the rest of the chapters so it goes smoother. i didn't expect this to get as much attention as it did so i didn't plan out the story lol
goodbye!