28. Eight

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by MaddieMeyer1

by MaddieMeyer1

Changbin -

Felix's death has really hit me harder than I anticipated I thought that you know I was overly emotional state of the day I mean you never get over anybody but your face is it free just you know stay with you and I with you broil forever very hard and you think about it to cry and out you just try not to think about it and you know why do yourself every day and say .

I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine when I'm reality you're not fine it's just a beginning for you to stop being overdramatic about it but then you realize you're not necessarily being overdramatic about it you're just you're just you know coping differently and I think that's the hardest part for me is the hoping mechanisms because I think there are days where.

I'm fine but I know I'm not really fine I'm just faking it to make it so that's been kind of kind of tough on me personally because I want to keep telling myself that I am fine when I'm not fine you know that's been a bit of a challenge because it's like you're lying to yourself that your feelings are necessarily hurt but they are hurt that's the downfall is that no you're you are hurt but you are refusing to admit that you are hurt and that's the toughest part because we all go through these phases in life where we keep on telling myself that was fine and that was half ass man and that you know we can take it but can we see that the issue is necessarily take this as a whole are we just faking it to make it that's my biggest question is am I doing good am I lying to my cell and I am doing this or is it all elaborate game that I'm playing with myself is something that I will never truly know I guess and it's been really really tough because I want to be strong for the others and I told him that I'm fine but in reality .

I'm not fine barely hanging on because you want to hang on for others that are close to you honest with yourself and say hey I'm not OK and I'm not all right and that's my issue is I'm acting like I'm over the grief portion like I'm over that funeral we didn't found a favor because we were afraid that it would become a monument of all the wrong reasons for the greeting I know she died 3 AM navigate to the freaking feel like it was a lot on her now I think about Maddie JYP.

I haven't stop probably never will say again that people can still fine think about Maddie I think of a hero I think of a girl getting have much going for her to fall through until people just came to collect hurt her and do her wrong Felix in Lakewood Church like this OK because Felix is there to help her help anyway think about Maddie and think about heroism bravery and per se mean Maddie Meyer is a hero to many and will continue to be a hero for many people .

I don't think Maddie's legacy will ever die out because it was on the way really challenging for all of us to cope with her passing as well because we lost my brother plain and simple
Lots in French people that day lost lots of people and the members are still trying to get a grasp on reality that it that you know we be lost people near and dear to us and that's that's a tough call it it really really is tough is a tough grass like .

I'm still trying to grasp the fact that Maddie is not coming home Blake Maddy and I keep on coming back out there she's in a better place she doesn't have any more pain in certain key about it it's just nice that there's gonna be no more pain or suffering. So that makes me feel better that she is not not really suffering anymore lol see you later because I know it was some emotional attachment issues with her phobia that he's gonna lose Maddie .

no you're not gonna lose Maddie we can promise you that but can I's card explain it think about two of them it's really tough to adjust to just one we just close your eyes and pretend it never happens you're just your help really bad dream is that there is a happy ever a happy ever after around the corner because it's just very hard because Maddie and Felix should still be here and take a lot to get used to their departure.