I changed for you

11

Chay left for the university with Kim. They both decide to go out after  their classes. Kim wanted to buy new strings for his guitar and Chay decides to tag along.

After they were done with their classes they went to a musical instruments store.
Kim had brought his guitar along and was handing it over to the guy on the counter. Chay meanwhile, distracted by the neon green electric guitar on the display wandered into the store.

"Interested?" An employ from the store asked Chay. He was smiling sweetly and looked about the same age.
"I just like the colour. Very shiny." Chay tried to end the conversation.
"You'd look cute with it. Don't know if you'll be able to play it, but I am sure you'll look adorable." The employ winked as he ended his sentence.

"He'd be able to look cute when he breaks your nose. Don't know if you'll like that, but I am sure he'll look adorable." Kim said with an icy stare and a creepy smile.
Chay laughed at the older's remark. P'Kim was the adorable one here. He looked really cute when he was jealous.
The employ took the hint and left the two alone.

"So? Wanna try the guitar?" Kim asked Chay.
"Oh no, Phi. I am good with acoustic guitars. Electrics are too cool for me."
"I hate to say this but he was right. You'll be an adorable rockstar."
Kim smiled making Porchay blush. The very same comment from Kim's mouth made him go insane. That was the effect Kim had. Porchay was completely in love.

"I think it'll suit you better." Chay carefully took the guitar out from display and handed it to Kim.
"If my boyfriend says so."

Boyfriend. Kim had never used that word. Neither of them had discussed that word. It came so naturally into the conversation but it felt like a reward to Chay. His heart did a summersault inside his chest and he swore he could hear his own heartbeat.

"You're blushing, you know that?" Kim smiled getting closer to Chay.
The younger shyly looked away, touching his warm face.
"Phi-"
"You're blushing even more now." Kim stepped closer.
Chay's eyes wandered back to Kim's face. He stared into the his eyes. Kim didn't shy away, both of them kept looking into each other's eyes.
Chay's eyes darted to Kim's lips for a split second but the other noticed it.
He parted his lips slightly, teasing Chay but also encouraging him to gaze at every part of him.
He was there to give it all.

"Sir, do you want that guitar?" The same employ interrupted them. Chay stepped back.
Kim realised he was still holding the neon green electric guitar which he would've smashed on the employ's head.
"No, thank you. We are just looking." He said visibly annoyed.
Can he have his time with Chay in peace for once?

"Phi, I think they've changed your guitar strings." Chay reported.
"Right." Kim headed back towards the counter, following Chay. He paid and collected his guitar.

The ride back home was a short one. The store was close by and they decided it was better to head back. When they reached, they were greeted by Korn, Kim's father and the head of the mafia family. He was walking in the garden with Porchay's mother. They were talking and she looked happy.

Chay's face turned pale. Kim could feel the tension building up. He knew he was uncomfortable. He knew what happened yesterday. He didn't mean to but he couldn't help eavesdropping on Porsche and Chay's argument. He knew Chay felt neglected by his mother and was confused if he should help her. He knew Chay couldn't tell his brother that, the older did not like to think of Chay being a bad son.

Chay walked inside quickly. He did not want to deal with this now. He had finally normalised things with Kim and was happy after so long. He saw how much Kim had opened up and was grateful he gave him another chance. He messed up in the beginning but he finally felt like things were okay in the store. It felt like the old times, the butterflies, the blushing and the ease.

But seeing his mother after all that, happy with someone else, reminded him of how she was scared of being with him. He should forgive her. She was a sick woman. He should be compassionate. He should be the bigger person. But did he have the strength left in him to be hurt while taking care of her? How could he always be strong? His brother had done that for years, but he was different. He had reached a limit.

Kim took him into his arms. They were in front of Chay's room so he lead the boy inside. He closed the door, not letting go of Chay's shoulder. The younger didn't protest. His was thankful Kim had held him, he would've fallen otherwise. He let his body go limp.

Kim caught him. He embraced him for as long as he could. Chay wasn't crying. He had become numb.
"Chay, sit down. I'm here. Please don't worry." Kim gently let go.
They both sat down on his bed, Kim facing Chay. He took his hands into his own and held them firmly.

"Will you listen to me?" Kim asked Chay. He nodded in response unable to speak anything.
"You've been strong enough. You've done everything you could. Trust me when I tell you, suffering in silence is more painful. I did it for years too. I pretended to be strong no matter how broken I was and that never helped me. It made me lose you. It made me lose my happiness, Chay. I don't want that for you. I never want you to be that way. You are allowed to be hurt. You are allowed to take time for yourself. I know you want to help her, be there for her, but if it hurts you and you can't tell your brother that because he won't understand, I hope you know you always have me. Lean on me, Chay. If you want to fall, I'll catch you. If you want support, I will give all of it to you." Chay kept silent as Kim continued. The tears had finally started flowing.
"Your feeling of hatred for her are valid. Even if she didn't do it on purpose you were hurt. And you are allowed to feel that. I know your brother thinks it's selfish for you to not take care of her but sometimes being selfish keeps us sane. Take your time. I will help you. Let's sort our feelings out slowly, okay?" Kim wiped his tears gently.
"How do I help her P'Kim? Where do I go when I feel like I've failed?" Chay sobbed, more tears falling from his eyes.
"You can come to me. Let's do this, okay? If you really want to help her, you do what your brother says. Meet her, talk to her and create new memories. That way she'll remember some of it at least. You can hope she does. And when you feel hurt, when you feel that you need love I will be there. Talk to me about it. Don't bottle this inside you. It may seem like she's neglecting you but I will remind you as many times as you need to hear it, that you are worthy of every bit of love this world has to offer."
Chay leaned forward and hugged Kim. He hugged him with all the strength he had. He grabbed Kim's shirt and clung to it like his life depended on it. He rested his head on his chest, calming down to the beat of Kim's heart. It soothed him. He breathed in to the scent of Kim.

What Kim had said lifted a heavy weight from his chest. He felt lighter. It was like a fog cleared from his mind. Why was he doubting himself because of how his mother treated him? Surely he wasn't unworthy of love just because his mother, who wasn't at fault really, couldn't love him? Kim was very right.
He wanted to thank Kim with all his heart but he was so overwhelmed by the love Kim showed he could barely form words.

"P'Kim." That was all he managed to say.
"Yes?" Kim said waiting for him to continue. Instead Chay pulled away from Kim, facing the older man directly. He raised his hands and cupped Kim's face. He stroked his cheeks with his thumbs, a subtle smile appearing on both their faces.
He was staring into Kim's eyes, his own shining with tears that just left them but full of love for the man that was in front of him. He leaned forward closer. Their faces barely two inches apart.
Their breathes combined in the space between them. Chay stared at Kim's lips. This time he let his gaze linger there for long. And before Kim could process what was happening he felt Chay's soft lips on his own.

It was a soft gentle kiss. Lighter than a feather. Chay put in all his feelings into the kiss. He was saying "thank you." He was saying "I love you." He was saying "sorry." He conveyed everything with that kiss.

Kim heard every single word in that kiss.