I changed for you

5

"Porchay." Kim states loud enough for Chay to listen but not others on the table.
Chay conveniently ignored him.
"Porchay." Kim said again, louder this time. Macau heard him and stopped talking. Chay now had no choice but to listen.

"What?" He spat his words, visibly annoyed. Macau got the clue and let the two be. Pete and Porsche weren't paying attention anyway. Kim and Chay were now in a bubble consisting of just the two.
"Did you read the note?"
"I did."
"I hope you know I mean every word I wrote. I truly do."
"And so?"
"So? I just wanted to end this fight between us, Chay."
"What fight Phi?"

Kim was somehow sad at Chay's curt replies. The younger man wasn't even speaking his name now. He hated this distant awkward conversation.
"You know. The tension that's between us. I want it to end. Please talk to me like we used to before, when we were close and comfortable with each other. Don't you miss that time?"
"I don't. That time was a lie."
Just like what Porchay said now. A lie.

He did miss it. He too longed for Kim's embrace every night. He wanted to cry and hide somewhere with Kim. Somewhere far away from everything so that no one could judge him, no one could hurt him, not even Kim. He wanted some miracle to set everything right but now, his ego, his demons forbade him to be swayed by Kim's attempts. He had declared Kim to be his enemy. He was betrayed and lied to. There was no denying it.

"I won't stop hoping for the day when you'll forgive me. I will wait for you. Trust me on this, Chay." Kim whispered this time.
Chay was somewhat surprised on how expressive and cheesy Kim had become. Is that what heartbreak does to a man? He wondered how things would've been if Kim had said all this earlier?

"Do you remember the thing you said to me? The day you dumped me?" Chay shot an icy glare toward Kim.
The other man fell silent.
"I-"
"You said you're sorry P'Kim."
Chay finally said his name.
"That's what i will say this time to you. I'm sorry, P'Kim. I'm sorry." Chay got up from his seat and went out of the hall.
Kim followed him outside ignoring everyone's confused looks. He did not have time to explain to his brothers what was happening. All he could see now was Chay.

"Porchay! Stop! Please, I need you to understand. I want you! Chay!"
Kim ran towards Chay who wasn't even looking back. He grabbed his wrist as Porchay struggled to free his arm.
"Let go of me! What do you think you're doing?"
"Chay, can we talk somewhere privately. I'm losing my mind."
"Why the fuck should that be my concern?"
Hearing profanity leave Chay's mouth made Kim shiver. He had never seen him this angry. Chay's face had turned red, his eyes wide and his nostrils flared.
"Fine! What do you want to say? I'm ready to put an end to this. Speak up P'Kim." Chay's tone was so rash it felt like Kim's name was a curse word.

"Not here. Can we please go somewhere else?" Kim protested.
"You really test my patience. I am only tolerating this today. I don't want to spoil my mood because of your constant whining." Porchay walked towards what was once his room. Khun had told him his room was always ready. He did not bother to go anywhere else.

Kim entered the room and Chay slammed the door shut, making Kim jump a little. He was somehow scared. Chay's rage was enough to burn the whole house down.
"Speak up." Chay ordered.
"I love you. I realised I can't live without you when you left me. I was stupid. I pushed you away. But when you were gone I could barely focus on anything, I became so broken I had to seek help. I told my brother Tankhun everything. I couldn't think of anything else. He made me realise how wrong I was and I should change. I am so sorry Chay. I am stupid. I'm so fucking stupid." Kim started crying.

Tears flowed down his cheeks as his fell to his knees. He was kneeling in front of Porchay, almost begging him to realise that he truly was sorry.
The whole scene calmed Porchay down all little.

He was take aback seeing the strong and bold Kim crumble in front of him. For him.

He couldn't help but console him. He knelt down and kept a hand on Kim's shoulder. Kim grabbed his hand gently and sobbed holding it near his chest. Chay could feel his heartbeat now. He reached out and hugged Kim. The taller man crying like a big child in his embrace.

Kim had let go off all his emotions. He had bottled up everything for so long now. He needed this release. He hugged Porchay back harder soaking in the comfort that the boy gave him.
He wanted this to last forever. He wanted time to stop then and there.
Chay could hear the sobs fading. Kim had calmed down now. They were just hugging each other in silence, sitting on the cold floor.
"P'Kim?" He broke the silence.
"Hmm?" Kim hummed in response.
"I forgive you."
Kim grabbed Chay's shirt and pulled him closer. Chay could feel Kim relax as if a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders.
"Really?" Kim asked.
"Hmm." Porchay hummed to reply this time.
"Thank you. Thank you so much. I'm so glad." Kim was now gently rubbing Chay's back. He was so glad to be here.

But the moment couldn't last longer. Chay pulled away, looking directly at Kim.
"Phi, I want some time." He said softly. Kim frowned a little. He thought everything was resolved. What happened?
"I just think it's too early to act on our emotions now. Everything is happening too fast. I need time to process this. Please understand."
Kim tensed up again.
"How much time do you need?" He asked Chay.
"I don't know. I just can't do this now. I'm not ready." Chay got up. He was towering over a sad Kim, still on the floor.
"Good night Phi. See you soon." Chay said before leaving Kim alone.