I changed for you

3

What had he not done for him? He tutored him, saved him from bad influences, fought people to protect him and even wrote songs to apologise. Why was Porchay oblivious to Kim's efforts?

Kim had spent numerous sleepless nights after he realised he lost Chay. He would find if difficult to do anything at all. It was suffocating to live while being aware of the mistakes he could never fix.

But was he really at fault? His family was betrayed and attacked so many times he had forgotten what trust meant. His brother raised him so he grew a little close him but other than that he wanted no connection to the family. That's what he did to Porchay.
He cut all connections when his work was done. Was he really wrong when that's all he ever knew?

Tears streaked his cheeks as he thought of Chay. He desperately wanted to tell Chay everything, wanted to apologise for whatever went wrong, wanted to tell him he'd change, he'd be there and stay forever.
He took out his notebook and grabbed a pencil from his bedside table.

"Porchay, I'm sorry. I messed up. I know what I did was wrong. I want you to give me a chance. I want to change. For you. Please give me one chance. I have no explanations to give. I was selfish. That's the truth and I'm ashamed of it. If I could, I would change it. I knew your mother was alive. I figured it while I was investigating your brother. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I thought it wasn't my place to uncover such a big secret. I needed more proof and evidences. I'm really sorry. But I want to help you Chay. It's been hard on you, I know. If you need someone to lean onto, please use me. I want to be there for you. I think I've fallen in love with you.
Kim"

He wrote and read this over and over again making sure it conveyed everything. Kim had never been this open. This was a significant improvement. A big change. He hoped Chay notices.

The next day he arrived at the university early. He went straight to Chay's class. He knew the whole schedule and he made sure he went to the right room. It was important to give this letter to Chay.
He sat on the last few benches to blend in the crowd easily. After some time Chay entered the class.
He did not notice Kim and got busy chatting with his friends. Kim took this opportunity and slipped the note inside Chay's bag.
He silently left the room before anyone could suspect him. Feeling a little relieved he decided to skip classes and went to his studio.
Chay was unaware of the things that took place behind his back. He somehow did not see the stray paper lying in his bag until he reach home and was about to start his assignments.

He unfolded the paper but could not recognise the hand writing. It was a note addressed to him.
The world shifted a little when he finished reading Kim's note. So he knew all along? He knew about his
mother.
Chay crumpled the note and threw it in the bin. He was did not care anymore.
Kim knew and didn't tell him. He was a secretive manipulative man from Chay's view. And now a very desperate one too. How pathetic.
When will he learn to respect other people's boundaries?

"I told him to leave me alone." Chay said to himself. "I am sure this is some way of manipulating me again. My brother has become the minor family's head too. There's a lot of mind games involved here." He thought. He really did not want to deal with any of that. The mafia world was too complicated and blood stained for his liking.

He picked up his phone and called his brother to clear his mind.
"Hello? Chay? What's up?"
"Nothing, phi. I just missed you. How's everything going?"
"I missed you too, bro. Everything is okay. You don't have to worry about it."
"When will you be back Phi? You almost never come home."
"Aw. I'm sorry Chay. I've just been busy with all the work here. I am impressed Vegas managed this so easily."
"What about me? I manage it well too!" Kinn's voice was heard in the background. Porsche laughed at his remarks.
"Kinn is okay at his job too. I guess."
Chay could hear his brother laughing as Kinn protested.
"Hey, I'll call you later, okay?" Porsche said to Chay before hanging up the call.

At least his brother was happy. He didn't mind Porsche's absence much if his brother was happy. That's what mattered to him. Still he became despondent when his thoughts spiralled back to Kim's note.
He lay on the floor and stared at the ceiling unable to carry the weight of his thought.

A notification on his phone broke his trance. He got up and saw a message from Porsche.
"I forgot to ask you. If you're free tomorrow do you want to meet Ma again?"

Chay wanted to say no. Even though he had met his mother he felt no love for her. It seemed like that woman did not want to accept Chay but she seemed more comfortable with Porsche. Was he jealous? He couldn't help but ponder more about his relationship with his mother.

He had been quite young when his parents died. He had been living without them almost all his life. There was no memory he could cherish. His brother however had spent time with them. His brother had memories. He barely remembered their faces. The photos surely existed and she definitely was the woman in the pictures but Chay had become comfortable with mere pictures. To have that person breathe and live in
the real world was hard to swallow.

Porsche had been spending all his time these days at the mafia family's main house and hence met their mother more. Maybe that was the reason why she was comfortable with him but not Chay. This thought gave him some reassurance.
He wasn't being rejected just like that. He believed he had found the reason for her hesitance.

"So all I have to do is meet her more."
He said out loud, typing in a text to his brother confirming he would like to visit.
He sighed deeply after sending the message. It won't hurt to try, right? When everything is falling apart maybe he can have the strength to build his family. And why shouldn't he?

He had to accept it one day or the other anyway. She had issues with her memory but if Porsche was able to form a comfortable connection with her Chay should do the same. They were family and he was ready to fight his feelings for them.