See The Stars [Completed]

Chapter Two

 I was going to be calm about this. I already called my therapist as I was in the car. Since mom decided to throw me into the woods without telling me what I would face, I decided it was the right time to project my feelings to my doctor. 

“There are only four hours left. Four! Until I am back at that place. I don’t know—”

“Calm down, Darla. Deep breaths.” Her voice resonated across the closed walls of the car. I couldn’t believe that I was being chaperoned off to the edge of my sanity. 

I was thirteen when my father bought the beach house as a place for us to spend summer vacations. A place we could run away to. He didn’t like airplanes and neither did I, so we traveled by road. Mom was always grumpy about the eleven-hour ride but dad and I always managed to make her laugh in the end. Dad was a funny person and I remember I inherited his humor till it got lost in other overbearing emotions. 

“I feel suffocated.” I looked down at the depressing attire I chose; all black and dark like my mind. 

“I get that you do not want to go back and that the beach house is associated with bad memories for you.” 

“No. It is associated with good memories.” I spoke. There was a pause on the phone and I was aware that the driver was listening to everything but I didn’t care. Jay was one of our old drivers— I seldom think he didn’t know how to age. At fifty-six, he still looked not a day over thirty-five.

“You are afraid of going back because it would remind you of the time when everything was alright. And that time isn’t now and it’s not coming back.” She concluded.

“I hate it when you speak facts.” I never wanted to talk to her but after Google didn’t give me enough info about how to not panic, she was the last resort. I didn’t even want to think about the kind of doctor waiting for me there.

“So, just relax. Take it one step at a time, and go live with your good memories. They are meant to be cherished not locked away le a poison. That house is the safe place your father built for you and nothing is going to take that from you. Not even your ghosts.” She referred to Milo and Ducky. The fact that they had so much influence over me was scary. Even though I knew what they said from time to time was not entirely rational, I still listened to them.

“Alright,” I spoke.

“And if you feel like it’s too much and you can’t handle it. Call me and I’ll help. You know you can rely on me.” After this I bid her goodbye and grabbed my earphones. People were in the era of air pods and wireless accessories while I still preferred these old-school earphones. It just gave me a sense of relief. I didn’t know why I felt like I would lose those small wireless contraptions. It was anxiety, my doc said.

I played a repeated playlist, and let my head get adjusted to the rhythm of my choosing. The car drove over a bridge and I smiled at the water beneath it. All the while my mind relaxed when those melodies danced around my skin. If I could live in this moment, this calmness, this control— I could never want anything more.

And we're almost on, tonight.

Hold your breath, we’ll be just fine.

***

“I will put all the suitcases in the lounge,” Jay spoke for the first time in the long eleven-hour ride. My body ached with the need to stretch and I felt tired and wanted to get out of the car more than anything but now that I was in the familiar driveway and the very family fountain stared at me. With its small cupid body and the broken water nozzle, it looked as much of a mess as I.

 I did not want to get out now. I put my head back and sighed. I got out through the opposite side of the car and warm air greeted me. It was a lot warmer here. I ditched the black cardigan in the car and grabbed my phone and my wallet. Jay came back to grab the other suitcase.