I Broke His Heart Because I Had To, Not Because I Wanted To

Chapter Eleven - Avoiding

I cried as I wrote this chapter. Well, as I wrote Sal and Mel's conversation. Did this chapter make you cry? Let me know if this chapter made you cry. Put this ==> :'( on a comment if you cried. I know this sounds sad but, well, I'm curious.

Vomment. Thanks, Josie, x.

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Chapter Eleven

Avoiding

   When at school, I did all I could to avoid Nat. In English, I spent as much time as possible taking notes, my head down and looking at my note book. At break, I was in the girls loo doing my make up and hair and after went to the library to finish some homework. In the school halls, I walked as fast as I could to get to the lessons, not stopping to talk to anyone, just keeping my head down and blending into the bustling crowds. At lunch, I was in the library reading and ignoring the back pains that I had. All other lessons I was lucky to not have with Nat.

   At the end of school, I was walking home when Nat came up beside me and said "You're avoiding me."

"No. I'm just busy." I muttered, looking at the floor.

"Is it because of the camping?"

"No."

"Then why?"

"I'm not."

"Mmm hmm." Nat said disbelievingly.

"I've gotta' go." I muttered, turning down a back street and taking a different route home. Nat followed me. "Please, I've got to get home. Sal and I have plans."

"Then let me walk you home."

"I'm fine. Thank you."

"And I won't take 'no' as an answer."

"Then I won't give you an answer." I continued to walk and ignored everything that Nat said.

   When I got home, I went upstairs, fell on my bed and screamed into my pillow. Nat and I were getting too close. That was a bad thing. After I'd slept for about an hour, I called Nat and told him to come over to mine. When Nat knocked on the door, I went downstairs and told him to go up into my room. I then went into the kitchen and made us both a cup of tea. While I was making this, I thought about how I was going to tell Nat to keep away from me. To tell him that it was for his own good; for him to be happy. When I took the tea up the stairs, I stopped on the landing momentarily and repeated the words that I had thought of in my head under my breath. As I stepped in the room, Nat looked up and smiled. I half smiled back and handed him his tea. "Thanks." Nat said. I smiled again. I then sat on my desk, facing Nat who was sat on my bed.

"Nat." I said, after sighing.

"Mmmm?" He replied, raising his eyebrows.

"I need to ask you to do something and I need you to promise me that you'll do it."

"I promise." Nat said, instantly.

"Good. I don't love you, Nat, and I need you to keep away from me. Forever."

"Bu-"

"No. You promised." I whispered, sipping my tea to try and avert my eyes from meeting Nat's.

"I wouldn't have promised if I'd known what I was promising."

"Well, you did, so thanks for coming."

"Wait. I can't keep away from you just like that. We were in love for, like, nine months. Still am and I wish you were."

"Yeah, past tense: were. We were in love. Now we aren't. I don't want to hurt you, but I need you to do this for me. Please."

Nat sighed, put his head in his hands and ran his hands through his hair. "Fine." Nat sighed. "I'll do it. I don't want to but if you need me to, then I will, but only because I want to help you." I nodded, unable to say anything.

   As Nat and I were in the hallway, I wrapped my arms around him, biting my lip, and hugged him hard. He hugged me back and kissed my head. When I pulled away, I felt tears pricking at the back of my eyes. "Thanks." I whispered.

"That's alright. Bye." Nat whispered.

"Bye." Once I'd closed the door, I fell to my knees and started to cry.

   When Sal got back from her friends house, she saw me on my knees, crying. She bent down, wrapped an arm around me and said "What is it?"

"I told him to keep away from me, that he'd be helping me." I whispered.

"Nat?" I nodded. "Why?"

"We were getting too close. He still loves me, he told me."

"Well, that's a good thing. He told you he loves you, you didn't have to ask. That's what a girl needs to know to be happy. Or, at least, that's what I've learned. But, Mel, you're doing the right thing."

"For who?"

"Nat. And that is the kindest thing you can do...because, in the end," Sal cleared her throat, "he'll know that you care about him, that you did it for him."

"I don't think he will." I whispered.

"He will. I'll make sure he will. Because he needs to know."

"Maybe he doesn't. If he found out then maybe it might just make him even sadder."

"No. He already told you that he still loves you, he'll be sad anyway. He'll cry and he'll grieve, he'll definitely be sad, hun."

"I know, and that's an awful thing to know. That I won't be able to make him happy, I won't be able to be there for him." I had started to cry again.

Sal rubbed my back and said "I'll make sure he has someone. He won't be alone. Trust me."

"Thanks." I whispered. I leaned into Sal and cried. I didn't want to do this to Nat but I had to.