I Broke His Heart Because I Had To, Not Because I Wanted To

Chapter Twelve - Can I trust her?

Chapter Twelve

Can I trust her?

   As I woke up, I felt ill again. I looked in the mirror and noticed that I had woken up in a cold sweat. I was pasty and felt like I was going to vomit. I stayed home and planned ways on how I could finish my list. I ended up staying at home with a fever for a week. Over the weekend I had awful back pains and ended up sleeping most of Saturday away. On Sunday, I woke early and lay in the garden on a blanket, reading books and magazines. On Monday, I had terrible abdomen pains and it hurt just to get out of bed, so I slept late into the evening. On Tuesday, I went to school. I sat through my lessons and ignored the abdomen pains that niggled at me throughout most of the day. When I got home, I didn't eat, I just went straight to bed. Wednesday, Thursday and Friday I had stayed home on demand. I didn't go to school as I had to see Nat on those three days. Through the two weeks, I had barely eaten anything. I may have had a sandwich and a glass of milk - or less - each day. Sal kept nagging me and went to the doctors about it. They gave her some pills to give to me to give me iron, calcium and all of the other crap that they thought I needed. I sighed and refused to take the pills.

   When I went back to school on Monday, I had to sit in English. Next to Nat. We sat in silence through the whole lesson and waited for the bell to ring. When it did, I hurried out of the lesson and went to the girls loo to sort out my make up. After, I went out to the tree that was in one corner of the green. I sat and listened to my iPod throughout break. In all of my lessons I didn't raise my hand to answer a question, and if a teacher picked on me to answer a question then I would just shrug and say 'don't know'. The teacher would sigh and pick someone else. Until the day was over, I just thought about laying in my bed and going to sleep forever, just to get it over with. This was the only thing that kept me going through the day. I know it seems pretty strange but...I guess I am pretty strange.

   On Friday after school, I decided to go shopping. I got ready and called Louisa. She said she'd meet me at the park. After I'd put on some lip gloss, I grabbed my hand bag, put my phone, keys, lip gloss and money into it. I then walked towards the park and saw Louisa. She came towards me and wrapped her arms around me. I hugged her back and said "Hey! How did you feel after camping?"

We started to walk towards the shops and Louisa said "Spiffing." I smiled at her and she then continued to say "I had a major headache and stayed in bed all day. You?"

"I was okay. Little tired."

   "I meant Nat."

"Oh. Ummm, we talked."

"And?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"There's nothing. We're just...Nat and Mel. That's all, nothing else."

"If you say so."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing."

"Spill."

"Well, it just seemed like you two were kind of...avoiding each other."

"No."

"Then why haven't you two spoken to each other?"

"I've only been at school twice in just over two weeks. We haven't really had a chance."

"Mmmm. It's just 'cos Nat doesn't seem very...himself...at the moment."

"And?"

"And aren't you going to talk to him or anything?"

"No."

"Why?"

"What am I? His nanny?" I was beginning to get annoyed at her for making it seem like I had to do everything for him. Hoenstly, was I his nanny?! Did I have to wipe his nose and feed him and clean up after him? Hell no!

   "His friend."

"That doesn't mean I have to watch him twenty four/seven."

"No. It means you have to watch out for him though, like I watch out for you and you watch out for me."

"Mmmm. So...we gonna' shop?" I asked, changing the subject.

Louisa squealed, nodded and said "Come on, Mel."

   We then walked into Newlook and shopped our hearts out. When we were done, we both had two bulging bags hanging on our arms.

   After, we went to Enigma and had a hot chocolate. As we sat and sipped at our hot chocolates, Louisa put hers down and said "Hun, what's up with you and Nat?" I looked at her confused. "Don't try and deny it. You break up with him, ignore him, become friends, then go to friends that just casually had sex in a tent and then you're not talking to each other. What happened?"

"Life happened." I muttered, sighing.

"I know, It happens all the time. Give me a proper answer."

"I guess I'm just feeling a little sick."

"'Sick' how?"

"Come back to mine and we can talk about it. Okay?"

"Lemme' just finish this." She said, drinking her hot chocolate as fast as possible.

   When we got to mine, I took her up to my room and sat her on my bed. I then sat next to her, took a deep breath and thought Well, she is my best friend. I can trust her...can't I? I wasn't sure. "If I tell you something really important...will you swear not to tell anyone?" My heart was beating a-mile-a-minute as I asked her.

She nodded and said "'Course, hun, I'd never tell anyone anything that you didn't want me to."

"Swear?"

"Yeah, definitely."

   "Okay..." I took another deep breath. "I'm sick as in...I'm not going to get better."

"Huh?"

"I...I...ummm...I have..." I stopped and took another deep breath."ummm..."

"Are you okay?"

"As good as can be."

"You have?"

"...I have terminal liver cancer." I said, just loud enough for her to hear. I heard her take a sharp intake of breath.

"You're not pulling my leg are you?" Louisa asked.

"No, Lou, I'm not."

"But...you can't. Y...you're not even seventeen yet."

"I know."

"B...b..." Lou stopped talking and I wrapped an arm around her. She started to cry. I rubbed her back and even felt a small tear trickle down my cheek. I went into the bathroom and grabbed a roll of toilet roll. I took some off for myself before handing the remainder of the roll to Lou. She wiped her eyes and looked at me. "H...how long?"

"Ummm...five months...less." Lou let out a sob. I pulled her towards me and huged her as she sobbed. I cried with her. Hearing it all together made it sound awful. We cried together for about an hour.