I Broke His Heart Because I Had To, Not Because I Wanted To

Chapter Twenty Four - You're joking, right?

Once again, I cried while writing a conversation. Damn, I'm such a sop :P

Enjoy and vomment. Thanks, Josie, x.

O...O...O...O...O...O...O...O...O...O

Chapter Twenty Four

You're joking, right?

   A few weeks after Nat and I had made love for the second time, we were lounging at Nat's, in his room talking and laughing. As I lay with my head resting on Nat's chest, I looked up at him and said "I love you."

"I love you too, babe." Nat said, kissing my forehead and stringing his fingers through my hair. I smiled and closed my eyes, listening to the sound of Nat's breathing. I started to smile at the way his chest went up and down as he breathed, for some reason finding it funny. "What you smilin' at?" Nat asked.

"I don't know. I was listening to you breathing and it made me smile. Your guess is as good as mine." and then we were quiet again, just relaxing. As I lay there, I thought about how we wouldn't get many more times like this. I only had a month-ish left, maybe. I hated the fact that I had to go. I didn't want to to go.

   "Babe, why are you crying?" Nat asked me.

"I'm not." I said, thinking he was going blind. Nat wiped at my cheek and showed me the tear that he'd just wiped away.

"You are. What is it?"

"I...I don't want to."

"Don't want to what?" Nat asked, his voice showing his concern.

"Go." I whispered, more tears spilling down my cheeks. Nat pulled me into his arms and hugged me tightly. He didn't say anything, just like I knew he would. I mean, what would you say? 'Don't worry, it won't be that bad' or 'we all go at some point' maybe even a 'I'll be there the whole time'. None of those would have stopped me crying, if anything, they would have just made it worse. No, he just held me tight and hugged me, kissing my hair, neck, cheeks and shoulders.

   When I'd stopped crying, I looked at Nat and smiled. "Thanks." I whispered, kissing him on the cheek.

"Come on." Nat said, standing up and taking my hand. We walked into the bathroom and Nat started to wipe away the make up stains, that had proved their 'waterproof' name wrong, with a damp flannel.

   As he wiped away the make up, I saw a tear roll down his cheek. I wiped it away with my baby finger. He smiled at me, wiped at my cheek once more, put the flannel in the washing basket and kissed both of my cheeks. I could see he was about to cry. I could see his eyes welling up majorly. I wrapped my arms around his waist, linked my fingers into one another at the back, tip-toed and kissed his cheek where the first one fell away. As another one fell, I kissed again and kissed each tear that fell, tasting the saltiness of the tears. Nat wrapped his arms around my waist and lent his head on my shoulder. The tears were now falling in a constant flow. I made Nat sit on the toilet seat and I crouched down in front of him. I put my elbows on his knees and my hands on his cheeks.Pulling him closer to me, I brushed my lips against his. He didn't respond. I then kissed him gently, with a little more passion this time. He made a slight effort to kiss me back, tears still rolling down his face.

I made him look at me and said "I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry?" He muttered.

"'Cos I've made you cry, and I hate to see you cry."

"This is only the second time you've seen me cry."

"I know. I hated the first time and I'm hating it now. You're making me feel awful. Please stop." I whispered the last part, a tear fell down my cheek as I said it.

Nat chuckled slightly before he said "Well, I don't like seeing you cry." I smiled at him. He lifted me so that I was standing and pulled me onto his lap. I sat and ran my fingers over the planes of his faces, loving the familiarness of him, the way I knew every part of him. Thinking of this made me want to cry again. I bit my lip hard, trying to stop myself from crying. Nat turned my face to him and said "Please, don't bite your lip to stop crying. I understand you want to cry so just cry. Come on, let it out, babe." Nat wiped away the first of this wave of tears and said "Come on, let's go back." Nat then lifted me up bridal style and carried me into his room as I cried, turning my face into his chest.

   As we were walking there, Nat stopped. I turned my face to see Kelly staring at us. She looked at us and said to Nat "Anything I can help with?"

He shook his head and she said "Suit yourself." When we got back into Nat's room we sat and hugged, not wanting to let go.

   When Nat went downstairs to tell his parents about me, I had told him he could, I couldn't let him suffer alone when I'm not here. Kelly walked in and sat on the bed beside me. "Why have you and my brother been crying?" Kelly asked.

"It's nothing." I whispered, a tear falling from my cheek and leaving a mark on my shirt.

"Please. I can't stand to see Nat sad, and you being sad is making him sad which is making me sad. Please." There was real emotion in her voice, no room for a snide remark just true concern for her brother, and maybe even a little for me. I sighed.

"You have to promise that you won't tell anyone, they'll find out on their own. Okay?" I said, ready to regret what I was about to do. She nodded. "I'm going to die." I whispered.

"What? You are joking, aren't you?"

"I wish I was, but I'm not."

"W...why?"

"I have terminal liver Cancer. I've got just over a month to live." Kelly gasped lightly under her breath.

"I...I...I'm sorry." Kelly said, a tear threatening to leave her eye.

"It's okay." I whispered. I the sat there and hugged her while she let what emotion she had for me spill over.