I Broke His Heart Because I Had To, Not Because I Wanted To

Chapter Twenty Six - I'm not ready

Chapter Twenty Six

I'm not ready

   When I woke up, Kelly was sat beside me. "Where's Nat?" I croaked, startling her.

She came towards me and said "He's sleeping. Sal made him sleep, he's been by your side for over twenty four hours." Kelly replied.

"Awww." I whispered.

"How are you feeling?" Kelly asked.

"Knackered and weak, thanks for asking." I said.

"Sorry."

"That's alright."

"Ummm, is there anything I can do?"

"No, thanks." She smiled and hugged me tightly.

"Gently. I'm as frail as a granny."

"Oh, sorry." Kelly smiled at me. "Do you want me to go wake him?"

"No, let him sleep."

"'Kay."

   As I lay asleep, I had a strange dream. I dreamed that I was on a road and Nat, Sal and Kelly were a little way down from me. As I went to walk to them, they got further away. I kept on going after them and, when I finally got to where they were, I saw a bright, white shining light. I screamed and shouted "NO! I DON'T WANT TO GO!" and then I woke up. I looked around and saw Nat beside me. He looked worried. His hand was on my arm and he had a tear in his eye. I sat up, with difficulty and help from Nat, and hugged him. I hugged him as hard as I could, squinting away the tears in my eyes.

When I pulled away, Nat said "How are you?"

"'Kay. A little tired but, yeah, okay." I replied, moving over slightly and patting the space that I'd made for him. He sat there and put his arm around my shoulders. I shook his arm off and climbed onto his lap, nestling into his chest.

"Tired? You've slept over two days."

"Oh. Well, it's near."

"What?"

"I had a dream."

"And?" I explained to Nat about what I had dreamed and he just wrapped his arms around me and held me close. "Hun, do you want anything getting?" Nat asked, stroking my hair and kissing my ear. I shook my head and wrapped his arms around me, keeping me close to him.

"Actually"

"Yeah?"

"Can you get Sal and Kelly?"

"Yeah, sure." Nat lifted me off of his lap and put me under the duvet.

   When Sal, Kelly and Nat were around me, I smiled. "Can I talk to Kelly a minute?" I said, hinting for Nat and Sal to go away. Nat and Sal nodded and walked out of the room. I took Kelly's arm and pulled her towards me.

She sat on the side of the bed and said "Yeah?"

"Can you do something for me?" I asked.

"Yeah, wha'd'you want?"

"I want you to be there...I want you to take care of Nat when I'm gone. I know you'll take care of him, but I want you to make sure there's a shoulder for him to cry on, a hug at the waiting, someone just to sit there with and talk about me. I want you to be there for him and want you to promise me you will. Will you?" I was now crying.

"Of course. I could never let him be in pain, and thank you."

"What for?"

"For making him happy."

"But you said I made him so sad and that you hated to see him sad."

"I know, but you also made him happy. I'd rather that he was happy with you now than not be happy with you at all and regret giving up on you. I'm glad you came into his - no, our - lives, you changed us. So, thank you."

"It's okay." I whispered. I then hugged her and whispered "Goodbye."

"Bye." Kelly said, tears streaming down her cheeks. I wiped away the tears with the duvet and hugged her tightly.

   When Kelly stood up, she stammered "I...I'm sorry." and burst out of the door. I left the tears running down my cheeks and then Sal came in.

"What's up with Kelly?" Sal asked.

"Nothing. Come here." I said. Sal came towards me and knelt by the bed. "No, on the bed, I want to hug you." Sal sat on the bed and wrapped her arms around me. I hugged her, crying into her chest. "Sal, I want you to know how much I love you and how grateful I am. For how you worked to look after me, always acted like a sister and never a mum, listened to my problems and how you were there for me." I pulled away from her chest and said "I love you, Sal." I had a new flood of tears falling. "Just make sure that Kelly and Nat are okay, will you?" Sal nodded and kissed my head. When I looked at her, she was crying and her eyes were red and puffy. "Bye. I love you, sis." I said, hugging her tightly.

Sal stood up and said "I'll...I'll get Nat." wiping away tears as she opened the door.

   When Nat came in, I moved over and he came to sit by me. I crawled into his lap and hugged him. "You know I love you and that I always will, don't you?" I said, holding one of his hands.

"Of course, sweetheart. And I you."

"Well, I want you to love again. I want you to love again and let them make your heart swell with love like you made mine. I want you to watch out for Kelly. Okay? I want you to do that for me and keep going. Do that for me, okay? Good. Now, come her and love me." I said, tears still falling down my cheeks as I took his face in my hands and started to kiss him passionately.

He kissed me back and muttered "I'll always love you, you don't need me to reassure you of it with a kiss." between warm and sweet, if not slightly salty, kisses. After, Nat pulled away and said "I love you."

"I know and that's why I'm not going to say 'goodbye' to you. I love you too much to leave you like that. I mean, I'm going to be haunting you, and everything, checking to see what your next girl'll be like." He chuckled lightly and kissed me.

   I fell asleep in his arms and had the same dream except I nearly went into the light, feeling myself become all light and airy. But I pulled away and woke up just in time to see Nat, tears in his eyes. "I...I've got to go now." I told him.

He bit his lip before saying "Okay, love you, sweetheart." I kissed his cheek and lay back in his arms.

After, I whispered to him "I'm not ready. I'm scared, Nat, really scared."

"I know, baby." Nat let out a light sob before finishing with a light "Me too.". Those two words held so much emotion and love.