You Don't Have To Smile Perfectly (Discontinued)

Chapter 8

Third person intro. I thought it'd be a little more dramatic this way. 

Trigger warning. Sorry about that.

~*~*~*~*

Blade met skin and crimson liquid dripped, turning the once white carpet red. Tears mixed with blood and the blade became responsible for the loss of more and more blood. (Y/N) shook, but kept slashing and slashing, her pain not yet satisfied.

She was in one of those moods.

The moods that made her hate herself, made her feel lonely. And fat. And useless. Just made her completely upset to be herself, and all she could do was feel helpless and what she was doing now, cutting.

No, it really wasn't the best alternative, but she could deal. It was better than trying to understand herself, anyway. That would take years and years, and she didn't even want to see what her true thoughts were like, let alone think them in the first place.

She decided she should hurry up and get ready for school before her mom came in and saw her like this. 'She'd just threaten to send me to a therapist again, though this time I think she'd actually do it..' She made one final cut, vertically, but not deep enough to kill her, before going into the bathroom, washing off the blade, hiding it again and getting ready for school.

~*~*~*~*

You wore a light sweater with black jeans and shoes. Looks like your parents noticed the sweater.

"Hey.. (Y/N).. isn't it, y'know, a bit hot outside for a sweater?" Your father questioned from the couch.

You turned pale, but didn't show it too much.

"Oh.. yeah, I guess, but it's light so it's okay." You put on a fake smile as you took your words in. Like hell you ever liked yourself.

"Okay.."

You finished off your breakfast, washed your dishes, and headed out the door to meet Zack for school, plastering on another fake smile. Today was going to be difficult.

"Hey, Zack." You 'smiled brightly'.

He knew the difference between your fake smiles and your real ones.

"Something's wrong, (Y/N). What happened?"

Your eyes went wide, then you immediately looked down, your hair shading your eyes.

"I-I'm fine. I'm okay, really." You looked up and smiled at him , but he gave you a doubtful look.

"What happened, (Y/N)?" He held you by the arm, and you winced, hissing quietly under your breath.

Zack immediately held your hand and rolled up your sleeves.

"Don't."

He gasped at what he saw. He saw the gashes in your skin, knew how much pain you felt just by looking at them, and then he saw the vertical ones.

"(Y/N)! What the hell?! You could've killed yourself!"

You tried to jerk your hand away, but he strengthened his grip.

"Let me go!"

You could see he didn't want to yell, but he had to.

"No! Why would you do this? Huh?!"

You pulled your sleeves up, but he pulled them back down and looked at them again, then looked away.

"..Huh..?...Why...? W-Why'd you do it..?"

He was blinking away tears now.

"Zack..."

Zack pulled you to him and gave you a tight hug.