love letters | shourtney

xi.

"Stay with me." The silence that falls between us makes me question if I even said it out loud.

"Are you sure?" Though quiet, his voice fills the room. The sparks burning in my heart wake me up enough for me to push myself up and look at him.

"Please." I close my eyes, praying not to be rejected. It's too late for me to go back on what I said now. I want him here next to me. I want the warmth of his body next to mine. I want him.

Opening my eyes, he just nods silently before grabbing a set of clothes off the edge of his bed and leaving the room to change. Feeling my cheeks redden, I let myself sink down again, pulling his thin sheets over me. I remember him talking about how he sleeps on top of his bed, only under a blanket because he gets too hot at night. I spot the blanket on his bookshelf.

I barely notice him come back in, already being pulled into slumber. He lies down being careful not to bump me. In my state of extreme exhaustion, I let my heart take control again. I roll onto my side and rest a hand on his chest. He doesn't flinch or push me away. In truth, he seems to relax under my touch.

A warm feeling hits my chest, spreading throughout my whole body despite the cold. I could get used to this.

----------

My arms stretch across a bed. These sheets don't feel like mine. I jolt upwards, not being able to recall the events of the night prior.

Shayne.

I look back down to where he was in my blurry memories, but there's no one there. The silence, in combination with the cold, makes me shiver. What if I went too far?

I swing my legs over the side of his bed and press my cold hands against my eyes to try and wake myself up. Why did I let him convince me into staying here? I knew something would go wrong. What if I messed everything up? What's worse is that I can barely remember any of it. 

I drop my hands to see him standing in the doorway. I don't jump, but my heart skips a beat upon seeing him. His presence makes me feel giddy again. I don't think I'll ever get used to this. 

"Hey you, you're finally awake. You were trying to cross the border, right?" Quoting Skyrim, a dumb grin dances on his lips, making me roll my eyes. He steps forward and lays down beside me. I look back at him, my eyes tracing his jaw. "You sleep okay?"

"Not sure. I still feel tired, but I don't feel dead anymore." I run a hand through my messy hair, pushing bleach blonde strands out of my eyes. 

"I made coffee. And breakfast." He stands up and holds out a hand. Taking it, he pulls me up, but doesn't let go, dragging me towards his tiny kitchen. "Here." He hands me a bowl of yoghurt. It's filled with fruits and berries. The thought of someone else waking up to this daily, to him, makes my heart ache with jealousy. 

"Thank you." I sit down on one of the stools on the other side of his counter. Not breaking eye contact with me, he pushes a mug of coffee over. 

"Can you... remember anything from last night? You were pretty out of it." He turns and fills a glass of water for himself as I finish eating. 

"Not all of it." I take my last sip of coffee. "I remember driving, and falling asleep next to you." I'm lucky he's not facing me, my face is definitely bright red. "The middle is all blurry." He stays turned around, my anxiety peaking. I set the mug down, and drop my eyes to my hands, pinching them to try and stay in the moment. "Look, Shayne, if I did anything that like, pushed any boundaries, I'm so sorry."