love letters | shourtney

xxi.

"I think we both know why, Courtney." My heart stops entirely, all the oxygen in my body getting up and leaving. Like a deer in headlights, I don't move. I feel like I've been caught in a hunter's trap. 

"Wh... W-What do you mean?" I say breathlessly, taking a long time to find a voice to speak with. Despite my best efforts, I sound shaky, but I really try my hardest to make myself sound less like I'm guilty of something. 

"Because...," he draws out the word, teasing me, "I slept better when I was next to you." His tone switches, a more genuine colour taking place in his voice. My heart flips from not beating in the slightest to shaking my entire body with its rapid thumps.

"You did?" A hopeful feeling swells in my stomach, swallowing the fear in my heart with an unrecognisable lightness. 

"Yeah. I don't want to push you, but I miss feeling like I've actually slept, and it seemed like you slept better too. I won't say that was my doing though." 

"It was." I jump in, not even sure if he finished speaking.

"So, do you want to?" Why would I say no?

"Absolutely." I speak lightly, trying to hide my inner excitement at the prospect of sleeping by his side again. "What time are people getting to yours?" I distract my thrilled heart by asking about his plans. 

"I said 5," he pauses, inhaling softly, "but you can come earlier if you want." I bite my lip, checking my watch for the time. 3:08 PM.

"I'll be there in an hour." I say sharply, hanging up immediately. Taking a few breaths to calm my mind, I start my car. Driving out of the carpark, a smile paints itself on my face and I can't help but laugh lightly. 

He's gonna be mine, even if it's just for a few hours or a few fleeting moments. 

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I stop at his door, an overnight bag over my shoulder, phone and keys closed in my left hand. Knocking isn't that hard of a task, yet I can't seem to be able to do it. I take a few deep breaths, trying to ready myself to see him. It hasn't even been 5 hours since I last saw him and yet it feels like it's been days.

Finally building up the courage to knock on his door, I hear him walk up to it. The second it opens, I step into him, his arms closing around my back.

"Hey." He laughs lightly. "You okay?" Stepping back, he keeps his hands rested on my arms. February and winter in its entirety are finally over, but the cold still has a strong grasp on us, his hands though, are warm and bring sparks of joy to my skin.

"I am now." I can't stop myself from saying it. No matter how stressful a day of mine has been, his presence, touch, and voice never cease to make me feel better. I rest my forehead against his shoulder and exhale heavily.

"If you say so." I can hear the dumb grin on his lips. As I lift my head, he takes the bag from my arm. He smirks again before walking down the hall to his room and placing down my bag somewhere inside, returning empty-handed.  

"What's your plan for tonight?" We move to his living room, and I drop down on his couch. 

"Probably just gaming and pizza. No drinking or anything." He drops down into the armchair next to me, sinking down and staring at the ceiling.

"Not even water?" Even though he doesn't look at me I can see him roll his eyes. Lifting my legs up onto the couch, I face him but look down to pick at my nails. I got them done yesterday but I can't help but scratch the skin around them. "Did you mean it when you said you slept better because of me?"