love letters | shourtney

xviii.

A knock comes from my door. I've been sitting in my living room, leg bouncing up and down, for about 10 minutes. Almost running to the door, I settle my hair and my shirt in a nearby mirror before opening it. 

"Hi." Kari runs a hand through her hair, a timid smile on her face. Her posture is tense, mirroring mine. 

"Hi." It's silent for a moment. "Ah, sorry. Come on in." I step out the way and she walks into my apartment. Taking a deep breath, I close my door, preparing myself for what's to come. "Can I get you anything?" I don't really have anything to offer. It's too late for coffee, I'm out of tea, and I don't think soda or juice is really appropriate right now. 

"No, no, I'm all good, but thanks." She sits down on my couch, her body tense and stiff. God, I hate this. 

"Cool." I sit down opposite her, silence washing over us.

I wish Shayne was here. He gave me few ideas and a confidence boost when he dropped me and my car at my place. I called him an Uber because I felt bad, but he said it was his duty as my new chauffeur. But besides all his advice, I've still found myself completely frozen here. 

I can do this. I know I can do this. I just need to say sorry. 

"Kari." She looks to me, but I refrain from making eye contact with her, looking to the ground instead. "I need to apologise." I bite my lip and take a deep breath. "We got into this mess because of my workload and my irresponsibility. But I made it worse by choosing not to listen to you. You were right, and I'm sorry."

Taking one last deep breath, I look over at her.

"You don't owe me an apology, Courtney, I owe you one. I'm not your mother or your keeper and you're a grown adult, you shouldn't have anyone breathing down your neck, telling you how to live. I am a strong believer in having and sharing my own opinions, but I had no right to blow up the way I did." 

"I shouldn't have blown up either." Our eyes connect, sorrowful but relieved looks shared between us. She moves herself so she's directly next to me, our knees both bent, touching on the couch. 

"Let's agree that we both messed up?" She holds out her hand. I laugh softly, shaking it. Before she can let go, I pull her into a hug. A warmth fills my heart. "I'm really sorry, Court."

"I'm sorry too." I wipe a tear away as I pull back, smiling widely. 

"You need to catch me up on your life." Her body finally relaxes, and she takes off her bag. "It's been too long." 

A relieved sigh escaping my lips, I start to ramble about work, not really paying attention to what I'm saying until 6 specific words fall from my mouth. 

"And then there's everything with Shayne...!" It takes me a moment, but I get hit with the realisation of what I said. I race a hand up to cover my mouth, scared that I'll let anymore of the secret slip. Her eyebrows raise with curiosity, a mischievous look in her eyes. 

"What's been going on with Shayne?" She nudges me playfully as I scrunch up my face, praying that I didn't really say it. 

Kari has always been a big fan of Shayne. She's always loved his energy, and the way he treats me both on and off screen. Her adoration of him has lead to many discussions about our relationship, and I'd say she's quite possibly the biggest Shourtney shipper. That's why this it's such a big deal that I let it slip. She's going to go crazy. 

Well... fuck it. There's no point in hiding it now. 

"I might have, maybe, possibly... potentially have developed feelings... for him." I focus on my couch, praying that she's going to act calmly and maturely about this.