his throat was raw | minsung

1

han liked spending their free time in their , always messy and obnoxious lived-in , room , mindlessly watching just another your-typical-high school show on netflix . their free time also consisted of them not only watching other teenagers on their computer , that had its whole back decorated in hello kitty stickers and chunky pieces of pinkish glitters . but it also consisted of comparing their own life to the one's han watched and heavily fantasised about , which was rather different . like a lot .

han would often find themselves locked up in their room , away from all the energy draining and insignificant socializing , enjoying their own company as they found something so refreshing and peaceful in spending time alone , just wanting to feel , get away from all the anxious thoughts that would constantly follow them everywhere they went , secretly degrading and belittling them in their fucked up head .

han just wanted to catch a break from all of the things that would drain every bit of energy that was left out of them , leaving them just as an organism that does nothing more other than just exists . that's exactly what han felt like every day . something who exists . confussed and somewhat scared of their own emotions and thoughts . thoughts that would make you believe such things that a normal person would call you crazy for , if left with them alone for a bit too long .

in sad reality , han wasn't diagnosed with anything of that sort , but any other person who would actually put in effort to get to know them and truly spend time with them , not only because they felt bad , would definitely agree on the fact that han wasn't necessarily the most mentally stable human being . like at all .

the people han had hanged out with previously , had definetely noticed about their weird eating habits , for example they would always skip lunch at school with a , same old , excuse i'm not hungry i ate breakfast , which was way too obvious that they were lying through gritted teeth , since everytime someone actually cared to question what they had ate that morning , han would stutter and stumble over their own words as they would try to think off of something random and believable fast .

the other thing that han was starting to do more and more was if they wanted to order a hamburger for example, and their friend would also choose that , han would constantly say that they changed their little silly mind and would order something completely different that no one in the friend group ordered , just so they wouldn't have anyone to compare themselves to and wouldn't internally beat themselves up for eating more than the other's , who ate the same food , would . han felt rather competitive about eating because it was the only thing that they had full control over , really .

han never truly had friends that they could issue their concerns and feelings to , so they just kept everything to themselves , buried deep inside , waiting for a perfect opportunity to explode all at once . it happens quite often and han likes to call it a body cleansing from all the negativity , which they would get rid off by burying their face and crying into their pillow , not wanting to wake up their family , which also wasn't so great .

han's dad was never really present , he left them when han was little with a lie that he had found a better future for himself and will definitely return after reaching and fully securing it , but did he ever come back ? no , he never returned . han's mom seemed to be really effected by their father's leaving since she totally broke down and turned to alcoholism , relying on drugs for staying alive , which in fact was slowly but surely killing her . han's relationship with their mother was ... weak ? they didn't really fought with each other , but mostly because they barely even spoke since she was under the influence most of the time han was home .

all of it brought han here , sitting on their comfortable bed , with a laptop laying in their lap , writing an ad on some weird and fishy website with a big headline looking for a roommate . han was so ready to move out , they wanted to finally feel free from all the trauma trapped in the walls , in the house . they wanted to attend a real collage and get their life together before it was too late . and 18 was definitely not too late , that's why they decided to try looking for a roommate since they wouldn't be able to afford an apartment all by themselves and in fact they didn't even need all of that , a bedroom and a kitchen was more than enough .

han hesitated for a second before publishing the ad for it to meet the public as a light wave of anxiety washed over their whole entire body , leaving small goosebumps covering their arms and legs . they were fine with whoever was interested , but still secretly hoped for it to be someone their age with similar interests and maybe the same college and not some creepy old man that would try to make a move on them , since han was quite an attractive person who had their longish hair dyed dark blue , showing up as a brighter blue in certain lightings , their left side of the lip was pierced with a simple silver hoop , making their plump lips stand out even more as their nails were always coated black .

han believed in wishful thinking so that's what they did as they pressed publish , nervously playing and lightly bitting on the lip piercing . immediately after , they closed the laptop and after throwing it off of their lap , stood up and started getting ready to sleep , hoping that in the morning there would be at least a couple of people interested in rooming with them .

LOOKING FOR A ROOMMATE

looking for someone to rent an apartment with . preferably not too far from the District college , but really anything works .
if you are interested please contact me as soon as possible (xxx xxx xx)

a/n : thank you for choosing to read this book ! i hope you enjoy . decided to reflect how i feel on jisung . i hope yall are eating well and resting well . talk to me . what has been weighing you down ?