ethereal (demi lovato)

Insecurities

I laid on the bed with my seven-year-old for another hour before I moved her sleeping body from my chest, moving out of the room. I cleaned up the kitchen again, despite how clean it already was and listened for any sounds around the apartment, but I assumed Nick had left again to go back to work. I sighed, looking down over the bright city below me. I had made a cup of tea, curled up on the couch and turned on the TV. Criminal Minds was playing and I let it go, listening slightly, but keeping my eyes out the window. The lights calmed me.

It was days until Nick came home again, he had texted me and called me a few times, but within a span of four days that he spent at the studio, I hadn't seen him once. I knew where he went most nights, he went to the graveyard and laid on the ground next to his daughter, I had too, but this was his grieving time now, he needed his space.

Sofia was doing very well in school, although her teachers were concerned about her lack of talking, they knew what was going on. I was picking up the few toys my now napping daughter had left behind. She was slowly getting back into her old routine, but the silence wasn't leaving.

I had seen her scratching several times in the last few days, it didn't bother me as much as it did when I saw them, but I felt horrible about it. After years of struggling with my own self-harm, I didn't want my daughter to grow up and do the same, not that I thought she would. It was a stress thing, an anxious thing, she did it in moments of weakness and I started to clue in when those moments happen.

More days past and it had been a week since Nick had been home, other than the random texts and short calls, he hadn't stepped foot into the apartment. It was getting on my nerves, I knew he was grieving and getting used to life without her, but he had another daughter and a fiance at home that also needed him.

I had taken Sofia out to look at studios, she asked me too, I assumed that she didn't want to go, it was something her and Amelia were excited to do together now that we were in New York, but she asked the day before today. She was excited when we walked inside a studio down the road from the apartment buildings we lived in, she wasn't jumping, but she smiled looking through the studios and when we finally picked out classes, being sized for a jacket from the studio.

Two hours later, Sofia was set up with a Arke Dance Studio jacket and had been signed up for a hip hop class, a childrens lyrical and a ballet class, all on the same night, Monday nights, which was perfect so I only had to go once and it wasn't too complicated.

"Mom?" I heard a time voice speak, it was late and I had been sitting at the window with my now ice cold cup of tea for hours. I had put her to bed hours ago, but I hadn't moved from my spot at the window. Every night, I spent my time looking down over the city, the bright, alive city that made my mind wonder.

"Yes, honey?" I turned and placed my cup down. My seven year old looked very young standing in a white nightgown, the edge tucked into the side of her panties. I walked over to the small, tired little girl and bent down to her level. She was shivering and I wrapped my arms around the girl, bringing her against my chest.

"What's wrong, Sof?" She curled against me and I patted her back, playing with the end of her braided hair. "I miss daddy. I want him home." The half asleep child in my arms mumbled and my heart dropped, she hadn't expressed missing him, but I knew she did.

"I know, baby, me too." I signed, listening to her yawn and picking her up. I carried her into my room and placed her down on the bed, Nick wouldn't be home and I knew that, I stopped expecting him to walk into that door. I needed the comfort of my daughter just as much as she needed mine.

I was awoken again, hours later, at almost five in the morning. The number was unknown and I was confused, dazed from being woken this early.

"Hello?" I mumbled, half asleep.

"Hello, may I please speak to Mrs Lovato?" I groaned softly and quickly answered.

"Speaking."

"This is the New York Police Department, we are located outside your finances workplace where he is threatening to shoot himself." The woman on the phone continued to talk, but my mind zoned out and I didn't know what to think, or do.

Hey everyone. Heres an update. Its late and I forced myself to write something. Im not sure where this is going, but it will end up how it was in the beginning. There is happiness coming in the future, I promise, but right now, there is stuff to get sorted out.