Bad Choices || Auston Matthews

57

It's time for me to pick Caleb up from Auston. I can't stop thinking about the interaction we had last night. I don't know how to react. I don't know if I liked what happened or what. I'm just so confused.

I knew he was thinking about kissing me. He can't deny it. If he did kiss me, I don't know if I would have kissed back or pulled away. I'm so fucking confused.

Every time I'm sure of my feelings and Auston and I are on good terms, he turns around and does something that makes me question how I feel about him. I hate being in this weird limbo when I'm around him.

Obviously, I can't cut him from my life, he's my son's father and we're pretty much connected for life.

Anyway, now I'm at Auston's. I got out of my car and rang his doorbell, after a few seconds he answered the door with Caleb on his hip.

"Hey" he smiled as Caleb reached his arms out towards me and whined. I took him from Auston and kissed Caleb on his cheek.

"Hey..." I replied awkwardly as he let me into his house.

"Can we talk about what happened last night?" He asked. I sighed.

"What about it?" I asked, playing dumb.

"Just how you kinda just walked away" he replied.

"I mean... What did you want me to do?" I asked. He stayed silent as I placed Caleb on the ground to crawl around.

"Auston, I knew you were wanting to kiss me. I wasn't going to kiss you" I told him.

"I wasn't going to kiss you. I was just admiring how beautiful you are" he insisted.

"Auston, we're just friends. That's not how friends hug" I stated.

"Sadie, you know I'm like in love with you" he told me. I rolled my eyes.

"And we've already had this discussion. Everything gets fucked up when feelings are involved" I told him.

"Everything got fucked up when feelings were brought up when you were with Willy. You're not with Willy anymore" he replied.

"That's not the point, Auston. We need to be stable and good friends and co-parent effectively before I can even consider dating you. I need to work on myself before anything." I explained.

"I'd say we're already good friends" he shrugged.

"Auston. Stop. You're pissing me off beyond all belief" I stated sternly.

"I'm just saying!" He replied, defensively.

"You're lucky that I'm even giving you the chance to be my friend right now after all the hell you have put me through for the past two years" I reminded him.

"What about the hell you've put me through, Sadie? Don't you think it hurt when you were fucking me and then going back to that boyfriend that you 'loved' sooo much?" He snapped. I rolled my eyes and stayed silent for a moment.

"Auston, I'm gonna go. Just let me know when you want Caleb again" I stated plainly as I picked Caleb up and walked towards the front door.

"Sadie..." he trailed.

"No Auston. You're not gonna play victim. You knew I was in a relationship with William and you still pursued me. You don't get to cry about it. You destroyed my relationship. Yes, I could have told you no but ultimately, you're the one who fucked everything up because that's all you know how to do. You have fucked up every aspect of my life. You fucked up what we had going on in the beginning. You fucked up my relationship with William. All you do is fuck shit up" I spat. He stared at me blankly, his eyes welling up with tears.

"I- I'll see you la- later..." he stuttered. I walked passed him and went out to my car.

I really don't care if I hurt his feelings. It's about damn time he gets a taste of his own damn medicine. All he's done is hurt everybody around him.

-Auston's POV-

I watched her walk out the door with my son. I sat down on the couch and let the tears flow.

I couldn't help but cry. She was right. I fuck everything up. I always have and probably always will. I should have known better than to hold her and think about kissing her. I should have known better than to tell her that she's beautiful.

I've ruined everything... again. Everytime we're okay and getting along, I always fuck it up and say or do something wrong. She deserves so much better than me. I need to let her go. I really do.