Bad Choices || Auston Matthews

62

"I love you too, Sadie. I'm sorry I didn't say it when you said it. I was mad at you. I'm sorry for being a dick. I'm sorry for icing you out and being a shitty father. Fuck. I'm sorry for everything." He spat out.

I didn't know how to react.

"Can you please say something?" He asked.

"I- I- I don't know. You're so confusing. This is confusing." I stuttered.

"Can we start over?" He asked.

"Why?" I asked.

"I just wanna put all of the negative behind us and try to build our relationship. I love you and you love me and I feel like we can never be anything more if we're constantly stuck in this loop of blaming each other for shit that goes wrong" he replied.

"Auston, you're confusing the shit out of me. First you're mad at me because I wanted you to be at your son's birthday party and now you're insisting that we pursue a relationship and pretend nothing has ever happened" I told him.

"I'm confused too. I'm tired of us being mad at each other. I'm tired of this hot and cold bullshit." He told me.

I remained silent.

"We need to figure something out. I don't wanna miss out on Caleb's life and I also wanna be in your life. I want a relationship with you but I don't know if it'll work if we're constantly at each other's throats" he stated.

"I don't know what can fix us, Auston. We've never been in a real relationship but we have a kid together and there's been animosity between us ever since the original fling we had ended. How can we fix this?" I asked.

"I guess we'll figure it out as we go" he shrugged.

"No. We need to figure it out now and figure it out quick because I refuse to traumatize Caleb" I replied.

"What about therapy?" He suggested.

"What? No. That's for failing marriages. We're not even in a relationship let alone married" I told him.

"I don't know what else to suggest, Sadie. We've tried the whole 'let's just be friends for right now' approach and it didn't end well. Feelings are always gonna get in the way." He stated.

"What if we pursued a relationship but took it slow?" He asked. I sighed.

"I don't know, Auston. Can we revisit this conversation another time?" I asked.

"I suppose so. Can I get C tomorrow?" He asked.

"Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow. You need to go talk to your mom" I told him. He nodded before walking out of the house.

I went into the living room and sat down on the couch. I seriously don't know what to do. I don't know if we should just close the book on the idea of a friendship or relationship and just strictly coparent or try to pursue this seriously.

I don't want to traumatize Caleb. I think I've put him through enough temporary situations. I don't want Auston and I to end like William and I did.

I think Auston and I need to sit down and seriously discuss the implications of us being in a relationship because Caleb's feelings are also on the line.

Kody came out of his room, he decided to lay down for a little bit after Caleb's party because he had a migraine.

"What was all the yelling about?" Kody asked, walking into the kitchen and grabbing a beer out of the fridge.

"Auston" I stated simply.

"Oh he finally decided to show up to his son's birthday party?" He asked.

"He wanted to see him but then he got pissy that I invited his mom without telling him and we got into a fight over that and him not showing up to Caleb's birthday and then it turned into him apologizing for being a dick to me and shutting me out and us talking about our feelings and he asked if we could take it slow and now I'm confused" I explained briefly.

"What's to be confused about?" He asked, sitting down across from me.

"I love him but I don't know if being in a relationship is the right move whether we take it slow or not" I replied.

"You love him, why not just go for it? You've never been able to stay away from him even when you're in a relationship" he suggested.

"I don't wanna traumatize Caleb if things go south..." I told him.

"Caleb is still young enough that if you two decide to try to be together and it doesn't work out, he's not gonna remember. Just don't fight in front of him. If you want him to have a whole family, now's the time to try" he told me.

"You do have a point..." I sighed.

"The guy might be a tool and he's caused more trouble than what it's worth but I want you to be happy and he's my nephew's dad and he deserves the chance to have his mom and dad together" he brought up.

"So, you think I should just go for it despite the potential consequences?" I asked.

"Yeah, obviously proceed with caution. Your feelings for him from the beginning clearly never went away, so maybe the best thing to do is to pursue a relationship with him." He replied.

"I guess you could be right..." I sighed.

"I probably am, just sit down with him and put your expectations out on the table." He told me.

"I'll do that" I replied.

I guess he could be right. I'm not gonna let my guard down but if this is my last shot at keeping things civil with Auston, then so be it.