Chapter 30 - Reluctant Goodbyes

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Martha parked across the road from the iron gate and the will to move depleted

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Martha parked across the road from the iron gate and the will to move depleted. The barren branches twisted over the wall like giant thorn bushes and the house was as intimidatingly handsome and eternal as always. Like a goddess frowning down at a mortal knowing her worth and more importantly knowing yours and I felt lower than the dirt caught on my boot. I wanted to see him though I wasn't ready to face It. The thing that fed off him like a parasite. I underestimated how bad it was even though I was warned. I was cut up physically and mentally and my wounded thoughts and feelings still pondered over his wondering if he was okay.

'Do you want me to come with you?' Martha said breaking me from my trance.

'I have to do this alone. Could you wait just in case?'

'I'm not going anywhere,' she said assuringly though I could tell she was dying for more answers.

I got out of the car and walked, with my head hanging low, to the gate. The sky unexpectedly shuddered into a sunless scape. Like the universe was trying to warn me or trying to repel me, it made me feel like I should be looking from the highest points of a ravine. I was so close to the iron bars but my hands wouldn't reach out to touch them. They trembled at my sides and instead of letting myself feel awful, I suppressed those emotions. The hum of the walls wasn't comforting either. It felt like an hour slipped past me by the time Calix trudged slowly from the house to the gate. He wearily drew forward and I noticed my carry bag on his shoulder and an extra plastic shopping bag with my mother's books in them. My worst worries were realised. He wanted me to leave. I stepped back and kept my distance from the little man as he opened the gate to greet me grimly. He hooked his foot into the iron bar to click the gate shut and for once he wouldn't meet my eyes. Not with judgement or bitterness. I felt like a rotting corpse coming home from the grave to reclaim a home that had moved on.

'Miss Drakos,' he said.

I tugged at the sleeve of my shirt. Noticed how worn it was from last night's horror show. 'Is he okay?' His eyes flitted up to meet mine, he stifled a gasp at the lacerations on my face and instantly wanted to hide my face with my hair or my hands.

'Physically.'

I glared at my bag and Calix sighed expecting a battle. 'Can I just—'

'You have to go home. I will bring over all your things later this week. Maybe it's not too late to get out of your leave of absence and get back to school.' He pulled from his blazer pocket my phone and an envelope of cash and held it out for me to take but my hands wouldn't move again. I was devasted. I felt a pressure build up in my face and throat, that familiar pain when I was trying not to cry. I tried to speak, but my breathing was already shaky, so I inhaled deeply. It didn't help.

'C-could you tell him that I'm okay?' I pulled my sleeve to wipe my running nose. 'That I'm not upset, and I know it's not his fault.' My nostrils stung and when I twitched my nose one tear was able to break the barrier and drool down my cheek. I quickly wiped it away and took the bags off of Calix. 'Would you let me know if anything changes?'

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